What A Complete Blunt

Confessions From The Underground

2012-02-04T16:58:00.000Z

What a complete pile of shit that programme was, I sat in anticipation of a truthful programme, only to find myself watching an hour of overacted drivel about a loud of actors allegedly portraying what life is like working on the Underground.

Obviously if you've read my past entries about my life on the job, you'll have realised that I'm either one very sceptical bastard with a bad attitude towards the job, or that the made up fops acting out the life and times of LU works was complete shit.

Having worked on the job for close to 24 years, I can truly say that I have never been afraid to carry out any part of my job, whether dealing with life on a over crowded platform (and I am talking about when Angel was just an island platform), to dealing with emergency situations, aggressive customers and arse hole colleagues.

The only positive about that programme was they fact that that they mentioned that whilst customers have increased, jobs have been cut to the point where staff are hard pressed to maintain a safe environment for customers and staff alike.

But life gets on and hopefully when I reach 55 in a good few years time, I can leave the job and retire.

Stress Time Again

2012-01-31T07:53:00.000Z

In January 2011 my daughter surprised me during a week of night shifts by keeping me awake for around 36 hours or slightly more when she was admitted to hospital to have her appendix removed, well now she's going to be stressing me again, as next week she will be having her gall bladder removed.

Kids... You've got to love them

Struggling

2012-01-22T09:07:00.000Z

It's my first set of nights of 2012 and normally I just breeze through them, but not this week, oh no, this week has been a real bastard.

For some reason my sleeping day is completely screwed up, I just can't sleep properly, normally I would go to bed around 11am and not wake up until roughly 6 or 6:30pm, I might sort of wake and go for a quick pee during the day, but it's normally, up, pee, back to bed, sleep.

This week it's been a case of, up at 3, pee, back to bed, then lay awake for the remaining three hours.

Needless to say my head and body feel knackered, I'm even struggling to keep up my usual abuse of my colleague at another station.

Oh well, it will soon be Tuesday morning and I will have seen the end to a long week.

And It's A Very Happy New Year

2012-01-15T22:37:00.000Z

Well Life has been ticking over very sweetly, as per usual the start of the new year sees me on a Weight Watchers diet, but this time around, my daughter and her fella have joined in. I've been cooking lots of new food and even the kids are enjoying the food, so much so that my daughter has told me that the food tastes better than when I was on the diet with my ex.

Life in general has been fairly decent too, with the possibility of a new woman on the horizon, we have been spending lots of time together, and unlike my usual attempts at romance, I'm not diving in head first but taking my time and just chatting with the young woman in question.

Normally I worry about the age differences between me and a partner, however this time the 10 years doesn't bother me.

So at this present time in life, I'm currently single but I'm also in a very happy place :D

A Change Of Direction

2011-11-23T13:03:00.001Z

I was chatting with a friend of mine yesterday and she said she was going out for a route march as it's something she has gotten into, so I did some thinking last night and came up with a decision, apart from people with obvious (and I'm not trying to take the piss) disabilities, what easier exercise is there than walking.

So last night I went on the Walk, Jog, Run, website and looked at some routes that others had set up for my area, I found around 20 different walks for my area and some even looked straight forward, however seeing as I'm going to be starting out from scratch I sat down and worked out a basic route which takes me on a 2.26 mile more or less square circuit, with a slight dent leaning to the left before I'm back on track again.

This morning I was up bright and early with my boy, looked out the window and thought "it looks cold out there" However, unperturbed (god only knows how unperturbed popped into my head) I threw on some warm clothes, and a bobble hat (I am bald after all) and bravely I headed out, said brrrrr and headed back in again.

No, seriously, I stepped outside into the lovely bracing air and I was off and running, well technically, walking really as I'm not that fit.

So I set off at a gait that is my usual walking pace, up to the top of the hill, turn right and I keep on going straight until I turn another corner, and then another corner and a few more thrown in for good measure, and the finally I turned that last corner and I can see my house from the bottom of the hill I started on.

Hooray, I made it back in one piece.

My first brisk walk into oblivion, sorry I mean healthiness took me 32 minutes door to door, at an average speed of 4.2 MPH and a walking pace of a 14 minute mile.

I'm going to stick to this route for the next two weeks to see if I can improve on my pace, after that I've set up a new route of 3.7 miles, after that, I'm going to work out different routes that will take me on longer and longer walks which should hopefully see me walking a 10 mile route.

Back To Life, Back To Normality...

2011-10-29T06:19:00.000+01:00

So after all the shit I went through a few months ago, things have settled down once more and the old me is back and unfortunately for the ladies, I'm back and as bad as ever.

My head is in full on flirt outrageously mode, and some of the things that I come out with, leaves one of my mates and colleague absolutely flabbergasted.

It's fun being me again, and it's fun being back in man whore mode.

Don't get me wrong, when I'm single I'm a bloody nightmare and as my mate says "I'm always on the look out for a bit of fun and games" not his exact words but close enough, however although I'm always looking for the fun side of life, if and when I get into a proper relationship, the man whore goes back into hibernation.

So for the moment I'm in a happy place...

How Not To Board A Train

2011-10-29T05:17:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I wish I could used the video from the CCTV at my station just to show you what can happen when you're pissed on public transport.

Take last night.

As I was sitting in the office chatting to a friend, I was watching one of the monitors when quick as a flash, an enibriated man, shot into camera view and promptly face planted the side of a train, not only was this embarassing for the poor bloke, but just at that moment, the doors to the carriage started to close and his face was pushed along the metal foot plate on the carriage floor.

Luckily he just moved his head as the doors were about to clamp shut on his ears and he rolled out of the way of the train and stood up.

I went to make sure he was ok, and I can report there wasn't even a scratch on his face.

As I spoke to the man, he was actually laughing at how silly it must of looked and a couple of other passengers said "shame we didn't record it and put it on YouTube"

I turned to the other customers and said "don't worry, I'll watch the video later as it's been caught on CCTV, I'll even show it to the other staff in the morning"

The bloke who took the tumble, looked up sharply and said in a sheepish voice...

"Oh god, please don't"

Ahhh Domestic Bliss

2011-09-23T21:30:00.000+01:00

I was sitting in the office enjoying a nice fairly peaceful shift, and apart from a couple of service disruptions all was ticking over nice until I heard raised voices coming from the opposite platform.
I opened the office door to see a couple on the platform having a right old slanging match and throwing swear words back and forth at each other, and then it happened:

"You're nothing but a useless c**t" he said
"POW" she said as she threw a punch which connected sweetly on his chin.
"Topple" he went as he hit the deck with all the dignity of an elephant trying to shag a lemming.

I rushed over to find the bloke looking bemused and nonplussed and slightlyy embarrassed about ending up on his arse on the platform floor.

I turned to the young lady and asked her if she was ok, and she replied sweetly "I'm fine thank you". I turned to the bloke and asked the same question, the bloke looked up sheepishly at us both and all he said was.

"I deserved that"

I helped him to his feet, and he quietly mumbled to his better half "I'm sorry love and I love you".

"So you should" she replied and then fell into his arms and the both started kissing, with that I walked off and left them to it.

It Never Rains...

2011-09-06T08:13:00.001+01:00

A couple of entries ago I mentioned that my ex has been back in touch and is worrying me be being civil and nice, after all that happened recently I'm wondering why she is being so nice to me.

Well things have now changed once more, I was in the kitchen having a quick clear up before I started dinner when my son pops in and says:

"Dad, **** (my ex) is at the front door".
"Do What"???
"****'* here".

So last night I spent an hour in the company of the woman who called the police on me a few weeks ago, so I'm currently a very nervous man.

It Pours...

In addition to the confusion caused my recent ex, another ex from my past has been in touch with me. Yes that's right Miss Broken Pelvis contacted me on facebook, talk about a bolt from the blue. So on Sunday I ended up chatting with her on the phone for a little bit, and she has been texting me over the course of the past couple of days.

God knows how my life got so confusing and entangled with these woman but in the end it's left me with one conclusion.

I must be a great bloke and a fantastic lover for these women to keep coming back into my life ;o)

How Hard Is It...

2011-09-05T08:28:00.001+01:00

I'm currently at work and in a seriously fucked off mood with two of my colleagues. If I could use one word, that word would be incompetence.

I've worked with these colleagues for a good few years and after this weekend any sort of respect I had for them has well and truly flown out of the window.

Yesterday I arrived at work and after pottering around for a bit, I noticed that the Fire Alarm was showing a call point had been pushed on the platform, this is usually someone messing about and pushing the alarm button as they think it's funny, another point of note was that the Fire Alarm wasn't actually sounding, no Inspector Sands, no siren, nothing and seeing as my station was closed and there was only me and the booking clerk actually on the station, I thought "hmmm that's not a good sign"

I popped into the office to check up which call point had been operated and noticed that the Fire Alarm panel in my office was showing nothing about any alarm or call point. Once more I thought "HMMM" so I had an idea of testing the call points on the platform and hey presto.... NOTHING.

Oops that's not a good sign.

So after a quick call to the report centre, all was now being sorted, it was at this point that I thought "I wonder if the alarm was tested today" and after checking I found out that it hadn't been check for two days, so if my night turn colleague had done his job properly I wouldn't have had to do his job for him.

The second thing that has pissed me off was done by both my night colleagues over weekend, a simple thing that is actually so simple my 12 year old son could do it from the age of roughly 18 months.

How hard is it to switch on a light switch... Very difficult if going by the examples set by my two collegues.

Firstly, yesterday morning my night colleague told me he couldn't get the lights switched on in the ticket hall area, and this morning I walked into a semi dark station, I walked into the office and asked what was going on and was greeted with teh response "I can get the lights on".

No shit sherlock, half the platforms are in darkness.

I said to him, did you switch it on from the light switch at the side of the fuse board "What switch???"

Groan!!!

I took my colleague over to the switchroom and showed him the fuse board AND the four big arrows pointing a single switch with the sign platform lighting written on it.

This light switch was installed over a year ago, and was labelled up by one of my other colleague and my colleague even emailed all of us to let us know it was there.

So click.

"And there shall be light"

It was exactly the same with the lights in the ticket hall as well.

So two simple jobs made difficult by incompetence.

Leading A Life Of Confusion

2011-09-02T13:19:00.000+01:00

Fuck knows how I get myself into these situations but I do.

It all kicked off a few weeks ago with my ex and things turned very nasty between us, the reason for that was because I was told by a mutual friend that my ex was seeing her new fella before we split, so I sent her some very nasty name calling texts, (not something I'm proud of) and next thing I know, the boys in blue are knocking on my front door.

Seeing as it got that nasty, I did something else I'm not very proud of and that was I text her ex husband who has her other two kids, all that was going on, in consequence my ex daughter is now refusing to see her or to even speak to her.

Any way, that was four weeks ago.

Last Saturday I had to speak to call her at her work to ask her for some money towards her phone bill, I only meant to stay on the phone and tell her about the phone and then hang up, but 35 minutes later we were still chatting. For someone who hated me for the past few weeks to suddenly speaking to me like we were still friends and nothing had happened in our past.

After I finished with the call, I swapped from the station next door back to my own when I remembered something and had to call her back. She carried on chatting and somehow we got on to the subject of her and her new fella. Basically she told me that she hadn't cheated on me and I said it doesn't really matter anymore, but the turning point was when she asked me, who should I believe, her or some drunken bloke in a pub, when I said that the bloke drinks in the pub that she works in, and what do you think? she flipped and ended up slamming down the phone.

So this left me confused and wondering why is she even bothered as I'm no longer with her.

On Wednesday, my ex was supposed to drop the money to my house but when 8pm arrived and she hadn't dropped it off, I rang a mutual friend and asked him to text her about the money, she replied to him saying she would drop the money off before work Thursday night.

7pm Thursday night duly came and went, so I had to text my friend again and in the end I had to pop up to her work and collect the money from her at work. Considering she was at work, she started chatting again like we were still chatting everyday of the week, I only wanted to collect the money and dash, but 10 minutes later and she is still trying to hold me back with conversation.

Then the icing on the cake was late last night, (no she didn't turn up and try to jump in my bed again) she started commenting on a friend facebook status and next thing, it's going back and forth for over an hour between us, and then it carried on this morning like we were still friends and nothing had happened.

So now you can see why I'm confused and wondering what the hell is going on, even a couple of friends I've spoken too haven't a clue.

A Moment Of Clarity

2011-08-15T15:20:00.000+01:00

Do you know when something happens and you get a moment of crystal clear clarity that puts everything into perspective and was more or less an epithany.

I was speaking with my ex wife who is the mother of my kids (just in case you were wondering) about something totally unrelated to my ex partner. Some how we got on to the subject of weight, possibly as she asked me how I was doing, I told her that people keep saying I'm still losing weight and my ex wife said that she needs to lose a bit too and that she will be starting again from Monday.

I just happened to be on her Facebook page and I looked at a photo of her and guess what... I paid my ex wife a complement, I said to her

"You're still a bloody good looking woman, and you've got a great figure".

Yes I did say that, anyway back to the reason for this entry.

I was on the train to work when a thought struck me, I looked once more at my ex wife's photos and even after all the years we've been split, I know there has been crap between us, but she is definitely a very attractive woman, whilst I was on my Facebook account, I wondered about a previous ex from 2008 (yes I've had a good few relations), and after looking at her photo, yes she has had her problems with different things but I still think she's a very attractive woman too.

Then it struck me, and struck me hard... I looked at my recent ex's photo both on facebook and on my phone (NOW DELETED) and thought...

"What the fuck did I ever see in you!!!" "You're not attractive and you're nothing but a geezer bird"!!!

When we split up in the very beginning of the relationship, I should have just kept walking and not looked back that way things would have been a lot different.

Thinking back over the past two and a half years, I'm left thinking what a waste of two and a half years I'll never get back...

The Long Wait For A Train.

2011-08-06T02:29:00.000+01:00

As Friday nights train service drew to a close the only trains left to travel through my station were a few ballast trains. These trains generally trundle through and vanish off into the distance with just the red glow of a couple of tail lights to remind me that they had even visited.

Tonight however, something has gone amiss, It's gone 1am in the morning and I was sitting in the office, my station closed to the public and awaiting one of these behemoths to fly through my station and off to work somewhere else overnight. All of a sudden the work radio blares into life...

Train *** to control.
Control receiving train ***.
Yeah train *** to control, I seem to have flames coming out from under my train and I think I need the Fire Brigade.

Oops, that's never a good thing to hear on a Friday night, mind you that's never a good thing to hear on any night of the week.

An Amazing Night

2011-08-01T03:42:00.000+01:00

Last night I went to see Iron Maiden, I've seen them twice before but I forgot just how good they are live.

I'm currently sitting at home and my ears are ringing, my head is still buzzing and it was a good night all round.

It's A Monday Thing!!!

2011-07-26T07:39:00.000+01:00

Well after last Mondays escapades, things throughout the course of the week and weekend went swiftly downhill.

However, walking through town yesterday I bumped into my ex and we had a bit of a chat, ok about 20 minutes worth of chat...

In the end we've have both decided that the best way for both of us to move forward is to try and be civil with each other and if we do have contact that it's not nasty. Last night was the first attempt to be civil with each other as my ex needed to pop in and get something from the house, so we spent a fairly tense free hour chatting, actually the only tension we had was due to her daughter texting both of us as both our teenage daughters don't want us getting back together.

Strange that me and the ex can chat easily yet our girls both get pissed off about stuff!!!

Shit I Just Remembered

2011-07-23T22:53:00.001+01:00

Whilst I was chatting with the ex on Monday night, we actually talked about getting back together

What the fuck was I thinking...

And So It's Time To Go Back To Work

2011-07-23T13:02:00.000+01:00

Well that was one hell of a roller coaster three weeks off, the best of my holiday was spent relax and chilling with my kids, the worst was spent dealing with all the fall out that is my ex, and yes I am never going back there as I now have no trust what so ever in that woman.

Anyway onwards and upwards as they say, back into the routine of getting up at stupid ok for five days and then having four off.

The two good things to come from my last week off though was that I'm learning to move on from my ex and I have now something else to look forward too that has been putting a huge smile on my face since yesterday.

A Clear Conscience

2011-07-21T01:11:00.001+01:00

I've done a hell of a lot of soul searching today about the past couple of days. My head is coming back in line and after a peaceful day (well until my daughter arrived back from her boyfriends) and my thoughts are clearing.

I've finally realised that my ex isn't actually worth me fighting for and her new fella is welcome to her, my reasons for this are plain and simple.

If she can go into a new relationship and then end up snogging my face off and then in bed with me, what is to stop her doing the same to me. Also she has started a new relationship and hasn't told him the most important part of our night together... "She still LOVES me". So how can you go into a relationship and still love an ex, oh and something else I've noticed is, my ex will tell everyone else that she doesn't love me, but she can't tell me, the reason I know this is because a friend asked her and she told her that she doesn't love me, but when she asked if she said it to me, once more the subject was changed.

Strange that!!!

So in essence of the title and a clear conscience, I know that when or if I get into a new relationship, I can go to sleep at night with a clear conscience and that I will be able to wake up in the morning and look myself in the mirror and smile as I wont be hiding behind a secret that will eventually come out and there will be no more lies as I wont be doing the stupid things I've done in my last relationship.

So hears to me getting fully back to my old self and no more of the shit I've had for the past few months...

Double Standards

2011-07-20T15:57:00.001+01:00

Wow, what a day yesterday was, things flying back and forth with my ex.

You already know the story about me and my ex Miss Broken Pelvis and how the lies from that part of my life basically cam back and kicked me in the bollox. It seems my ex also doesn't have a worry about lying.

I spoke to her late last night and once more it ended up in a slanging match and all guns blazing on her part. It's strange that I get into a world of shit for testing my ex and lying, but she claims that she has spoken to her new fella and told him everything.

I asked her one question "Have you told him you still love me?" Instead of saying yes, she changed the subject, so I asked a different question "Does he know you kissed me?" "Yes I told him everything", she replied, so I asked again "So you told him that you still love me"

Once more the subject is changed.

"You haven't told him have you"? subject changed once more, wow and you had the affront to have a go at me.

So where I was two and a half years into a relationship when I lied and covered up, she is taking them straight into a new relationship. It makes me wonder how many lies she told me.

Good luck to her new fella is all I can say...

Head Fucked Again

2011-07-19T19:40:00.000+01:00

What a roller coaster of a week.

Last week I helped my ex move to her new place which is just 70 yards down the road and I found out that she has a new man in her life, yes it hurt to find out that after only two weeks of us splitting completely, she's already moved on to a new bloke.

Last week I was really angry but by Thursday I had calmed down and I was being text by my ex's daughter as she felt that her mum was ignoring her for a new fella, I tried to explain this to my ex but it fell on completely deaf ears.

Things came to a head on Sunday when I ended up speaking properly to my ex and told her exactly how her daughter is felling.

Monday brought an altogether different problem, my ex has finally stood up to her daughter and gave her a kick in the arse she needs so she will pull her finger out and get a job. Yesterday me and the ex hatched a plan of what to do and my ex finally put it into action around 5pm last night. Her daughter became pissy and argumentative about it so my ex took her phone off her too.

That's when the real fireworks kicked off.

Me and the ex were texting each other all day and in four hours over 100 texts had gone back and forth, after my ex laid the law down with her daughter, she was very stressed so I said pop up for a coffee, one coffee turned to four and we spent a very nice evening chatting like old friends.

Now for the real problem, my ex suggested going to the pub for a few pints to help destress some more, well one pint led to five and next thing you know, we were snogging each others faces off and during the night we ended up back at my place and in my bed.

Then my ex told me she still loves me, that blew my head again so today has been a day of texting as she feels guilty about last night and we are back to square one.

So once more I find my head in fucked mode and me rebuilding my life from where I left off a couple of weeks ago

A Dream Within A Dream Within A Dream

2011-07-11T08:21:00.000+01:00

Now that was a bad nights sleep.

Although my sleep pattern is getting back to normal, I still have the odd night of restless sleep. Last night it was due to a crappy dream that had me thinking that when I go back to work, I'll be up on a disciplinary charge and possibly getting the sack.

About mid-way through the night, I dreamt that I had a phone call from a train driver saying that he had passed a semi-automatic signal at danger and after I asked the driver if the area looked clear, I said he could proceed and carry on with his duties.

And that's were the problem lies, I'm not allowed to just tell a driver to carry on as there is a whole heap of stuff that needs to be done first to bring a train into a platform safely.

Next thing I know, I'm getting a phone call off a manager and the manager is telling me that they have downloaded the conversation and because I used the word PROCEED, I'm now suspended from work.

It was at this point that I woke up, I tossed and turned and because of how vivid the dream was, I was convinced that I was in trouble when I got back to work.

I dropped off again, and once more I lapsed into a restless slumber, and it still had something to do with me getting the sack, this time I received an email from someone unknown telling me the details of my disciplinary and that they had found it on Twitter. Yeah I was thinking the same thing, how the hell did it get on Twitter.

So once more I was awake and stirring before finally dropping off for the last time, this time I dreamt that I was sitting in my back garden being all cosy with my ex and chatting with her best mate, that's when I realised that it was all a dream as that will never happen again.

Strange how the sub-concious mind works...

A Nice Week Off

2011-07-09T13:14:00.002+01:00

So week one of my leave has come to an end, most of the time I've just been chilling out, chatting with and verbally abusing my daughter, playing my son on the PS3, cooking dinners and being a dads taxi for my daughter and her fella.

My ex came around on Wednesday to pack up what's left of her gear and then we sat chatting for about three or four ours, sometimes with an edge to our voices, but mostly that was it, we chatted.

Thursday saw a lot of activity happen at my house as I really abused the garden, I mowed it within an inch, attacked it with a rake to get all the moss and thatch out of the grass, re mowed it, seeded it and then covered the whole of the lawn in a layer of compost. I smelt lovely, then it was just a case of watering the garden before I relaxed and put my feet up and got lots of hugs off my son.

I woke up yesterday to a rain fest so I sat around and did bugger all, it felt great.

So that just leaves today, today is a day that I crack on with a bit of housework, get the house back to being spic and span and all I have to worry about is my daughter Prom night.

I feel old.

6 Years Of Remembrance

2011-07-07T07:48:00.002+01:00

Six years on and our thoughts are still with the 52 victims of the 7th July 2005 bombings.

KINGS CROSS

James Adams
Samantha Badham
Philip Beer
Anna Brandt
Ciaran Cassidy
Rachelle ChungFor Yuen
Elizabeth Daplyn
Arthur Frederick
Karolina Gluck
Gamze Gunoral
Lee Harris
Ojara Ikeagwu
Emily Jenkins
Adrian Johnson

Helen Jones
Susan Levy
Shelley Mather
Michael Matsushita
James Mayes
Behnaz Mozakka
Mihaela Otto

Atique Sharifi
Ihab Slimane
Christian Small
Monika Suchocka
Mala Trivedi

TAVISTOCK SQUARE

AnthonyFatayi-Williams
Jamie Gordon
Giles Hart
Marie Hartley
Miriam Hyman
Shahara Islam
Neetu Jain

Sam Ly
Shyanuja Parathasangary
Anat Rosenberg
Philip Russell
William Wise
Gladys Wundowa

ALDGATE

Lee Baisden
Benedetta Ciaccia
Richard Ellery
Richard Gray
Anne Moffat
Fiona Stevenson
Carrie Taylor

EDGWARE ROAD

Michael Brewster
Jonathan Downey
David Foulkes
Colin Morley
Jennifer Nicholson
Laura Webb

The Stress Diet

2011-07-05T14:30:00.000+01:00

I've been trying to lose weight for a fair bit now, but since I've split with the missus I've basically been eating only once a day. My sleep pattern is completely fucked and I'm averaging between two and three hours sleep a day.

Not good in anyone's books.

However there has been a plus to all this stress and strife I'm putting myself through, I've dropped 9lbs or 5kgs so far.

My stress levels are finally starting to come down and seeing as I'm on leave at the moment, I'm getting to have chill out time with my kids. My daughter is home throughout the day as she has now finished school and I'm still up early with my son so that I get to see him before he goes to school in the morning, something he is happy about too.

So all in all, things are starting to turn around and feel good again.

Oh and on the relationship side of things, a few people have come out of the woodwork and are showing a bit of an interest in me, but at the moment I'm just concentrating on me and the kids and a relationship is the last thing I want.

So now I'm just going to chill out for a few weeks, go out for a few beers with a couple of mates on the 14th and go out for a meal with kids on the 15th for my birthday.

At Last A Normal Entry

2011-06-27T01:18:00.000+01:00

As the second to last train arrived at the station, I looked up to spot a black bloke throwing another black bloke off the train, I wondered why this had happened until I saw the bloke on my platform try to chase the train and make "come on fight me" gestures towards the other bloke on the train.

Straight away I thought "Ahhhhh pissed".

I kept an eye on the bloke and noticed him go towards a wall with his hand going towards his fly. I dashed out of the office and shout "Don't you dare!!!". He did his fly up and staggered towards me and proceed to ramble on in a voice that lip reader would have struggled to understand.

All I seemed to be able to understand from any part of the conversation was the words "I love you man".

He must have rambled on for 10+ minutes and by the end of it, I still only understood the words "I love you man".

Oh Shit

2011-06-25T04:06:00.001+01:00

**This blog entry might not make to much sense, but I had two conversations tonight, and I've actually pasted one on here, the other was more or less the same but with more words, and both with the same result

I was sitting chatting to an old friend on facebook this evening and all of a sudden I had a very lucid moment about my whole relationship with my ex.

I was chatting with my friend about stuff and her birthday, when *BING* it hit me. Why am I actually bothered so much about splitting up with me ex. The friend I was chatting to has know me via MIRC since the late 90's when I went by the nickname DangerMouse, we've been on line friends for 15/16 years, never met and have never had any sort of relationship other than online friends.

Seeing as it's my friends birthday, I'd first of all written out the happy birthday song over chat and then the rest of the chat went like this.

Thanks for the song:)

Your welcome young lady

lol... young

I'm in a good mood so dont push it lol

lol
kk
Are you ok though

Yep
Always
And yourself?

Good good
Well you've probably noticed that things haven't been to good of late, but I'm getting there lol.

Hugs

Thanks babes
Mind you, you know me I will bounce back.

DangerMouse always does.
We know this.

Its true.
I've just had a thought, about me and ****
(my ex)

Whats that thought.

Even though I'm upset about my break up, I haven't really been happy for about 18 months to two years
So why am I stressing.

Almost everything in life is about habit or comfort zone.

I know and to be honest, **** was a convinence, that sounds bad but it's true.

See
Gotta get past the zone :P

Its been up and down for ages.

I'm sure you'll work it out..one way or another.

There's no going back, and after what I just said, I think it would only be for the adult company.

Eek

Thats what I meant by convinent.

Not right for either of you then.

Exactly
Cheers babes

:)

So based on this conversation (and the other one) which happened at roughly 2am this morning, I'm not going to try and get back with my ex for three reasons.

1 I shouldn't have been in this relationship with my ex for the past year
2 I wouldn't be able to treat her properly as she would feel like she couldn't trust me (down to BHP)
3 I would only look on her as a minder for my kids which isn't fair on my ex or the kids.

So what I'm going to do is:

1 Enjoy my time with my two kids that live with me.
2 Hopefully rebuild my relationship with my 18yr daughter who lives with her mum.
3 Put my smile back on my miserable old face.
4 Rebuild my life.
5 Sort my fucked up finances once and for all.
6 Lose weight again.
7 Flirt like crazy, and go no futher.
8 Leave any sort of relationship well alone for at least a year so I can despose of the baggage of this relationship.

And finally

I'm just going to try and be happy and enjoy the rest of the time I have left on this world.

Information Overload

2011-06-23T01:22:00.000+01:00

As I was travelling into work tonight, I received a message via Twitter from a good friend who know both me and the ex-missus. I gave a her a quick call back and something she said about my blog piqued my interest.
She said to me, that she thought something was wrong by the sometimes cryptic and at other times not so cryptic Twitter updates.

She then told me that she had popped on here and had seen what I had previous written about me and my ex. She told me that one of her friends had read my musings too and she thought that I put a hell of a lot of personal stuff on here and was concerned as I might be putting to much personal information on my blog, my friend realised that it's easier for me to put things down on my blog then it is to say them in real life.

What piqued my interest was this, do I really give out far to much information for my own good, or should I try and change my style of writing and be more close mouthed about my life. Another reason for me thinking this is that my ex came round today and spent roughly three hours in my company, we spoke about lots and I told her about how I'm now feeling as written about in my previous entry.

She then mentioned something about Twitter and how I've put all the crap that has been going on with us on it, then she said "Have you written about us on your blog"

Firstly I thought "Oh fuck I'm for it now" but I just turned around and told her I had, I brought my blog up on my iPhone and showed her the entries, the only thing she said was "fair enough, just three things!!" "1. Don't ever slag her or her daughter off on my blog. 2. I spelt wedding wrongly, and 3 I only use that word (C**T) on special occasions!!"

So I'd like some constructive criticism back from my readers as to whether or not i give out way to much information.

Moving On

2011-06-22T00:46:00.001+01:00

Well it's finally done and dusted, me and the ex have gone our separate ways. After yet another blazing row I finally told her to get out and live somewhere else.

When I realised what I had done and that she was actually going to go, I did a lot of the usual back peddling, but no that didn't work and she moved out last Sunday, a lot of texts and calls have gone back and forth between us over the passed couple of days, but nothing has changed and it always comes back to arguments.

The strange thing about all of this was when I arrived at work for my first night shift of the week, as I walked into the office I realised that yes I love my ex but I don't actually need her in my life. If I did need her in my life I wouldn't have treated her so badly in the first place by sending texts to MBP.

When I spoke to my colleague I actually apologised because of the piss poor mood I've been in with my work colleagues for the past few months, after he left I rang my daughter and apologised to her for being a narky bastard.

Her first words to her old dad, you've been a lot happier since she's been gone.

So now it's time to be happy and to concentrate on me and my two wonderful kids. Who knows I might even start blogging regularly again.

What A FUCKING Idiot I Am... Or "COMPLETE CUNT" In Her Words...

2011-06-08T20:59:00.001+01:00

It looks like I've blown any chance of me and the missus getting back together and all because in the end I kept a big secret and told a lie that made her look like a TWAT.

Long time readers of this blog will remember an ex from a few years back who I named Miss Broken Pelvis (MBP), well without my missus knowing, I had gotten back in touch with MBP after I split up with my missus.

No I do not want to get back with MBP, it's a guilt thing on my part because I feel somewhat responsible for her getting the broken pelvis in the first place and I was texting her for two reasons, 1, to see if she was OK and 2, because it was someone who would text me back in a sympathetic way.
And before you wonder... No I didn't break her pelvis, but if I hadn't of split up with her the day before she had her accident, then she wouldn't have gotten on to the motorbike that crashed in the first place.

So back to me and the missus.

She never knew I was texting MBP until two weekends ago, we has been to a weeding and after a really good day together, it blew up into a huge row, that's when she found out about MBP, long story short, I ended up going home alone and she stayed at a friends.

Sunday brought the worst of it though, as that's the day I lied to her, I told her MBP had started texting me first, but the truth is, I started texting her first, then my missus made us go over to MBP's house so I could tell MBP to stay out of my life and I'll stay out of hers.

Just as I turned to get back into my car, MBP said five little words that have fucked my life...

"But you text me first"

So there you have it, my relationship with my missus is in tatters and unlike some people who would make up an excuse as to why it's not my fault. I can't and won't.

I'm totally in the wrong for being a liar and for keeping secrets.

So if I can offer any word of advice to any reader who is doing the same with there respective partners.

DON'T!!!!

It's not nice to see the pain and anguish I've caused to my missus, and if I ever have a chance at happiness again. I will never ever repeat the mistake I've made with my missus.

**I'm saying missus as we are still under the same roof.

***If my missus ever reads this, I do love you and I'm sorry for the hurt and anguish I've caused you

So It Comes To An End...

2011-05-21T14:28:00.000+01:00

After two and a half years of being with my missus, things have finally come to an end, to much has been done and to much has been said.

We decided on Friday morning to call an end to the relationship, so although we are still living under the same roof for the moment, we are both classed as single.

I'm not sure if there will be a way back as my ex (that seems strange) is looking for a new place to live.

I think now that the pressure is off, things have become a lot more light hearted and we are both hoping things stay that way, only time will tell.

So now it's just a case of enjoying the time we had together and hoping that life moves along at a steady rate

What A Loooooong Week Of Nights

2011-05-17T01:24:00.001+01:00

As you can gather from my previous post, my long week of nights hasn't really been a pleasant experience.

Myself and my missus have both gone through a serious amount of shit this week, so much so that I thought at one stage I had pushed all the wrong buttons and my relationship was about to end. However after a seriously long talk on Sunday morning/afternoon, I've more or less pulled my head out of my arse and knuckled down to some serious thinking and so serious actions. As I was walking along St Pancras platform on the way to work I thought to myself "Lifes to short and you're a long time dead, so fuck it and enjoy what I have".

So last night I decide it's a case of letting go all the tension that has built up. or keep pushing and risk losing my missus, so I've decided to chill out and let things take their own course. If we split then we split, if we stay together then we stay together and work at all the things that are wrong.

The best thing is we are now actually sitting and chatting and not rowing or talking over each other, yes we are still both on edge around each other, but the atmosphere today was more relaxed. I've even been able to get a few things across that I feel needed to be said and she has done the same.

So if the worst comes to the worst, it's going to be the end of yet another relationship, hopefully I still have a future with my missus but at the moment, I don't know what will happen as it all depends if my missus can get her head back into relationship mode.

So now for my one and a half days off...

Tuesday will find me with my first day off after seven shifts and for the first few hours of getting home, my day will find me attacking the garage and clearing it out, how much stuff I'm going to clear is yet to be decided. Hopefully I will be finished by 1ish so I can get into bed and crash for a few hours before being woken by my missus around 4 or 5pm (hopefully 5) so I can get my body clock back into day mode (one of the things I hate about working shifts).

Wednesday will see me out and about getting my son his much delayed birthday present, we bought him a new bike last year and he has out grown it already, the perils of having a tall father I guess, so on Wednesday we will be buying him this but not in this colour. Hopefuly he likes it.

In the afternoon, I need to drive over to Northampton with my daughter and do that thing that dads love to do and that's going looking for a Prom dress, hopefully she has already found this one, as she has told me that's what we are going to go and have a look out.

I love the way I have control of my life.

I think I'm already looking forward to Thursday afternoon and getting back to work.

How Have Things Got So Bad???

2011-05-15T04:53:00.004+01:00

The more my life goes on, the more stressed I'm becoming. My head at the moment is all over the place.

I'm currently going through a shit load of stress with my missus, and (hopefully not) it looks like I'll be splitting up with her, it's been a mostly good two and a half years, however whenever things go wrong, I'm like a dog with a raggy toy in my attempts to put things right.

I know what I want to say to my missus, but whenever I attempt to say it, she gets the hump and we have a blazing row. Her friend actually witnessed one arguement and at the end of it, she was left speechless, and in her own words... That was the first time someone stopped me in my tracks. She even said that I'm like a light switch and that I was very callous, as I seem to be able to turn my feelings off at the drop of a hat. I've even been described by her as very cold.

Looking back on that weekend, doesn't bring fond memories because in the space of three days, twice I said we should break up and on the Monday, I came home from work, went into the back room and asked her to join me upstairs as all I wanted to do was have a cuddle.
She took this as I wanted to say something about us and because no one was in the room with us, after at least five attempts on my part and five denials on her part, I walked out of the room, went upstairs, my head racing and thumping from the stress, thought "Fuck it I've had enough".
I went back down stairs, walked into the back room and told her "I think I want you to move out" I didn't wait for a reply, but turned around and walked staight back upstairs.

Immediately after I did it, I thought "What the fuck are you doing"!!!

My missus came upstairs to find out what was going on and why, and of course we ended up having heated words and in the end I back tracked and at the moment we are still together, but struggling through a hell of a lot. Things are far from perfect, but in trying to put things back on a proper track, I've basically head fucked my missus to the point that she now doesn't know what she wants either.

Her daughter hates me as she thinks I hate her. I don't hate her, I just wish she would pull her weight.

The only problems I have with the eldest is, she says she's looking for a job but we've had very little proof apart from a couple of interviews that she's had. Seeing as she's at home most of the time, she does nothing around the house, actually I tell a lie, she does do stuff around the house but only when she can be bothered or when she needs pocket money. She stays up most nights until the early hours of the morning, sleeps through most of the day and does this most nights of the week. She also gives me lots of attitude because me and her mum are arguing.

I've asked my missus to speak to her about it but until two days ago it fell on deaf ears, and my missus told me that she's had words. Considering the words I would have used, I would have given her a rocket up her arse, only time will tell...

Another thing that has pissed me off, is that she is having councilling and I pushed the coucillers to get an appointment a couple of times every week so they could get her in quicker, now she makes every sort of excuse not to go and has missed a lot of sessions that could of helped her, I feel like this is a slap in the face and a fuck you matey to me.

Something else that is beginning to annoy me is the amount of friends our eldest has to stay over, I've been on nights since Tuesday, and not one night has passed that she hasn't had either her boyfriend or a friend stay over, also the fact that when I'm on nights, my two kids are generally quiet during the day but she seems to make more noise then both of them, not only is it inconsiderate as I'm sleeping, but I feel she's just doesn't give a shit which I find is just pig ignorant.

This week has been a very tense week between me and the missus but the one thing we would both like is a bit of time to relax either after work for her or before my night shift for me, but due to the fact that either all or some of our kids are always home, my missus doesn't get that bit of down time after work, and I don't get that bit of relax time before I start my night shift.

Any other shift I don't mind what mayhem is going on at home, I would just like a quiet evening before work.

I do have a couple of things that bug me about my missus though, basically she hates getting up in the morning, she likes her sleep and in the past, she has slept for almost 14 hours. When she first moved in with me, she said that whilst she was looking for a job she would keep up with the house work, do the ironing and cook dinners (before you think it, it was her idea), however from day one, all she has done is mainly cook, she has ironed all of three times (and yes I do my own ironing or ask my daughter to do it for me) hardly helps with the house work (her excuse that the kids make the mess, so why should she clean up after them).
My missus got a full time job last July, and I feel like she uses this as an excuse as she is working from 9-5

Unfortunately, I lapsed into this way of thinking too and did the housework every now and then, and until a couple of weeks ago and when my missus best friend told us that the house was minging, so now I've stepped up my game plan but she is still dragging her heals and doing very little around the house, but she does cook most nights and keeps the kitchen clean as she sees that as her domain. She recently moaned about my son as he is constantly late for school, but I realised he is only late for school when I'm either on earlies or on nights as i set my alarm for 7:30 and no matter what other shift I'm on I get up with my son and daughter. Last Wednesday i asked my missus to get up at 8 o'clock so my son wouldn't be late, but when I arrived home at 8:30 from work, my son was still at home, when my missus came down for work, she did apologise as she had had a bad nights sleep.

I know of one thing that continually annoys my missus and that's my habit of bringing up the problems in an attempt to resolve them, unfortunately, I don't bring it up two or three times, I bring it up roughly ten or more times. I know why I do it, it's my attempt at clearing the air completely, but I never seem to leave allow when it's said, but I try to over analise the situation, talk it through to much, try to get my point across (as my missus sometimes hears what I say but doesn't acknowledge that she's heard it) and this causes most of the rows.

God knows where things are going to go from here, I do love my missus, but I'm not sure how much more of the shit either of us can take...

Annual Leave Time Again

2011-04-09T19:22:00.000+01:00

I start three weeks of annual leave from Sunday the 10th of April and in one sense I'm looking forward to it, but in another I'm not.

Why? you might think. One reason...

Easter Holidays...

The first week is going to be extremely hectic for me and the missus as her other two kids are coming down from Blackpool for the week, which means that for the first week our house will be full to the rafters with kids. Five in total, lots of extra driving for me and lots of doing stuff that we don't normally do.

Monday will see us heading north to Blackpool to collect the kids as her ex-husbands car has given up the ghost and generally died, so a nice round trip of 300+ miles and seven hours of solid driving.
Wednesday, it's one of the kids birthdays, so after going to weight watchers an getting weighed, it's over to Northampton and lots of foodage at the Red Hot restaraunt.
The rest of the week will be taken up with other stuff that will keep the kids happy and me and the missus busy.
Next Sunday sees my two kids heading off to there mums for the second week of the holidays, and whilst my son is away he will turn into a 12 year old, fook me but these 12 years have gone fast.
Then on the Monday, it's heading north time again to drop the kids back to there dad, but this time we are on the road to Leeds and Bradford as we are going to see friends and relax for the first time in a week.

After the first week I can then relax and just do nothing but chill until the 1st of May when my lovely daughter turns 16...

FUCK....

Shit she'll be legal, where's the hammer and nails to board up her door and the padlocks to chain the doors shut, I think I might install gun turrents too... oh wait I think I might be being slightly over cautious. Mind you she does have a huge crush on a nice young lad, and believe it or not, he's actually a really decent kid who's actually told her to wait until they have finished there exams as that way there will be no other presurres. And that's from a lad of almost 16.

The one good thing about her being 16... BBQ NIGHT

YAY

Memories Of Dad

2011-04-03T05:40:00.000+01:00

Tonight I watched Life as a House, a very emotional film about a father who has terminal cancer and is trying to bond with his son during his final days of life.

During the final 30 or so minutes I was was reminded of my own father.

My father was a big man, although not as tall as me, he still filled a room with his presence, something I've been know to do myself, but he was also a very gentle man, who would help anybody in there hour of need (something I'm know for myself) but the most important thing about my father is the way he brought his four children up.
I was brought up in a strict manner, forget about today's namby pamby why of child care, I was taught to respect my elders and to treat people properly.
I treat my own kids the same way (although my daughter has me round her little finger).

My father taught me to enjoy life, how to laugh, how to drink (cheers dad) and how to be a gentle person (unless I get seriously pissed off) but mostly, how to be a friend.

The one part in the film that had me in tears is when Kevin Kline dies, as the shot of an empty bed reminded me very much of when my own dad died and how the room he was in was left completely empty and very bare.
Although my dad died over 18 years ago and it's still a very vivid image that's stuck in my brain.

I might not think of you every single day, but I still have great memories of our life together, especially me buying you our first pint together in The Enterprise.

RIP Dad.

X

Another Saturday Night

2011-04-03T01:40:00.039+01:00

So once more I'm working nights, however this week I'm not at my own station but at the station of my old colleague next door.

About 12:40, the cleaner pops into the office to tell me that there is a man asleep on the bench on platform one, so off I trundle and arrive to find a bloke curled up in the faetal postion, oh great I think, this buggers sparko.

So with a rough shake of his shoulders, it's a case of...

"Wakey wakey"

Nothing.

"Wakey wakey"

Once more, nothing.

So with a bit more vigour, once more I shake him and raising my voice a bit more

"Wakey wakey"

I'm greeted by an inane grin and then he falls back to sleep, so then with a tiny bit more vigour, ok I shook the fucked like a rag doll and bellowed down his left ear...

"HAWAKEY WAKEY"

His eyes fly open and he sits up so qucikly that I have to grab him to stablise him as he's about to fall off the end of the bench.

"Umnumbunblum"
"Sorry"
"Umnumbunblum"
"Sorry mate, I didn't get that?"
"Umnumbunblum"
"Ok, so are you awake now?"
"Yes"
"So where are you trying to get to?"
"Yeah"
"Where?"
"Home"
"And where's home?"
"Erm yep"
"Where's home?"
"Oh I need the Circle line"
"Ok, next train and change at Edgware Road?"
"Ok"

I stayed with him for the next few minutes chatting away (ok I was chatting he was saying yeah and erm a lot) as the last train to Hammersmith was in five minutes time.

As I stood there talking to the bloke and not allowing him to lie back down I suddenly saw a crest fallen look flash across his face and as soon as I saw it I stepped back out of the way as the man promptly vomited a heroic ammount of spew down his trouser legs and all over his feet and shoes.

Epic.

The man lean forward and vomited that hard his arse actually left the seat.

Two minutes later the last Hammersmith train arrive and I said told him his train was here and he needed to get on it, so he stood up and much to the panic of the other customers, he boarded the carriage.

As he turned around and looked at me, with bits of spittle trickling down his chin, I said to him

"Do you remember where you're going"?
"Yeah, Waterloo"

And The Gods Have Spoken

2011-03-24T10:01:00.001Z

I've seen a lot of trends and changes in my time working on for LU, but I think the latest is just pure stupid as it's all about timing and the way things are put.

Currently we have five degrees of service description.

Good... pretty much says exactly what it means, or so you would think. We can actually have a gap in the train service of over 20 minutes and LU still describe that as a "GOOD" service.

Minor Delays... Although the service may be running OK, because it's not to timetable it's described as minor.

Severe Delays... That's basically when you notice the service is fucked and your trains are all over the place, then you grumble att he staff about a shit service.

Part Suspended... That's right you guessed it, when some thing happens that closes a part of the line for a short while, and in LU terms an 8 hour shut down is still a part suspension.

Part Closure... These are generally at weekends but are sometimes done late in the evenings or over a longer scale, these are used when engineering works are taking place and there is going to be no service for a few days.

Lately however, different things have been popping up, which is more or less "Blame Culture and Passenger Appeasement"

A couple of things of late have brought this to my attention.

One was yesterday and two were this morning. Every week, stations record a PA about the engineering works that are happening the following weekend and all stations should play them from Wednesday mornings until Friday night.
Generally there is a simple script which is used weekly by every station, but now because of our MD and his understudy, the scripts have changed. Whereas before we used to record a PA with every single line that was affected by any works, it's now been decided that if there more then five lines with planned engineering works, a newer, more no descript PA comes into play which doesn't mention any specific lines, but generally rounds it all up in a very condescending way.

Today I noticed that a couple of things, firstly the derailment of an "EMPTY" train. Does it really matter if it was empty or full, the thing is, it's a train and it's been derailed. What's the difference apart from the word "EMPTY".
Secondly, we had a person taken ill on a train at Gunnersbury, however it wasn't just any old train, it was a "LONDON OVERGROUND" train and "NOT" a "LONDON UNDERGROUND" train. Once again, what's the difference.

All the traveling public know is that the service is screwed and that's all that's important...

I'm Not Tired... I'm Fucking Knackered...

2011-03-02T20:37:00.001Z

For some reason, over the last couple of weeks I haven't been able to catch up on my sleep.

Over my week of nights I usually try to sleep from 11am until 7pm, but because of several things that happened over the course of the week, I was lucky if I got anything near a six hour kip. In fact, I think I only managed once to get a full days sleep in.

On my first day off I actually slept longer then I meant to and because of that I became pissed off with myself, the wolrd and life in general and for some reason and much to the consternation of my missus, I'm still in that pissed off mood...

The Wednesday after my nights, I headed north around 8am, half way up the M6 to Blackpool, to collect my missus kids from there dad and headed straight back down south to home, after 10 minutes indoors getting into my shorts, I was down the tattooist having the finishing touches to my leg piece. After 8 session and a fair bit of pain, It's now done. That night we went out for a lovely meal at a place called Red Hot In Northampton and after finally getting home, I basically CRASHED and crashed big time.

Thursday and Friday saw us all up early as we had kids at home until Saturday morning, this wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have work in the afternoons on both of those evenings/nights which saw me arriving home at 12:30am, when Saturday arrived we were all up again at 7am to once more drive north and drop the kids off with dad.

Another thing that was going on over the three days, was that I was having a blazing text row with my 15 year old daughter about her attitude which ended with me on Thursday basically saying well seeing as you're at your mum... stay there. I finally said she could come home on the Sunday.

I love my kids, and my kids know this, however my daughter decided it was a good day to argue with dad when I was in a particulaly fucked off mood.

So for three days I was on edge and things were getting to me and I was taking it out on my missus, I didn't mean to, but you know how it is, those you love are always the first in the firing line.

From Saturday night through to yesterday, things have been tense between me and the missus, however after a big heart to heart, things are now back on track... Until the next time (her saying, not mine).

This week I'm still on 3pm starts and by the time I get home and into bed, it feels like I need to be up again. My sleep pattern throughout the night has what can only be described as piss poor, so finally I'm on my last 3pm start and tomorrow sees me in earlier at 12pm for a nice easy shift before my first of nine days off.

What have I got planned for those nine days, a bit of housework in the mornings, then PS3 until the kids come home from school and then cook dinner for the missus before relaxing for the rest of the evenings.

I'm certainly looking forward to Friday...

Total Disrespect

2011-02-22T03:09:00.001Z

So I'm sitting in the office at work, drinking my last coffee of my shift and I only have an hour left before I finish my third night of the week, I'm called on the station radio by my early turn CSA and he's asking me whether a female customer can use the staff toilet, after asking why, he tells me, it's a friend and she needs to use the loo, so seeing as it's one of his friends, I agree.
About 30 minutes late (no she wasn't doing her ablutions for that long), My CSA calls me up again and asks for a PNR (physical needs relief) and seeing as it's quiet, once more I agree, he pops into the office and makes a coffee and as we are chatting the words "My friend has very small titties". just fall from his mouth

I spin round in my chair, to be met by a big cheesy grin

"What".
"My friend from earlier, her titties are very small".
"Sorry, are you on about the woman who went to the toilet earlier".
"Yes, she's my friend". (This said with a big grin again)
"So let me get this right, this friend who you asked if she can use the loo, she let her fondle her boobs".
"Yes, I do it all the time".
"Don't you ever do anything like that again on this station especially when I'm on duty".
"Why are you being like this".
"Because you've just taken the blatant piss out of me by basically fondling some slag that you're having an affair with, do you know what's worse, it's not you or that slag, as you're just as big a slag as her. It's your wife and her husband I feel sorry for. I hope it happens to you and that your wife is getting her rocks off with some bloke... Now get the fuck out of my office and don't ever ask for a customer to use the toilets again".

Foot In Mouth Time

2011-01-11T03:33:00.002Z

Do you know when you get one of those moments that come so out of the blue that they can only leave you holding your breath in wide eyed disbelief and waiting for the imminent explosion to come.

Thanks to my 11 year old son, tonight was one of those occasions.

As we were just finishing up with our dinner and my son was taking the plates, knives and forks through to the kitchen, me and the missus sat talking to the eldest as she has just found out that a boy who she had a crush on at her old school up in Leeds, also liked her in the same way too.
So as we carried on chatting away, I said to the eldest, well why don't you go visit him and see where things go. She turns round to me and the missus and says, she would do but it wont work because when he knew her at school she was blonde and skinny.

"You used to be skinny"

The words that so innocently tumbled out of the 11 year olds mouth silenced the room.

Our eldest isn't the smallest of teenagers, don't get me wrong, she is overweight but not hugely overweight (maybe the wrong choice of words), I looked at the missus to find her with a hand over her mouth, eyes tightly screwed shut and facing wall, I turned towards the eldest and was awaiting the massive explosion which didn't happen.

Instead, I turned to my son and said, two things

1) Did you take the knife of her when you were clearing up
and
2) I'd run and hide if I was you.

As my son prepared to flee upstairs, the eldest turned to him and said in a mock menacing way

"I know where you live"...

A Whole Week

2011-01-09T07:19:00.002Z

Well I made a few new years resolutions (yet again) this year

1) Do more with the missus and the kids.
2) Blog more often.
3) Lose weight, get fit and stick to it.
4) Swear less on Twitter (a whole week so far)
5) Play more on the PS3 on my days off.
6) Knuckle down and get the finances back under control.
7) If possible, go for promotion.
8) Be more respectful towards my colleagues at work, it's not their fault that most of them don't understand my sense of humour and I leave them confused.
9) And finally the most important, get the wedding plans back on track, because she'll bloody kill me if I don't.

If I achieve even half of these I will be impressed, although 1 and 9 are

Just The Job

2011-01-07T02:27:00.002Z

One thing I love about my job is when something pisses me off, it gives a reason to write something.

Tonight is one of those nights

Sometimes when something breaks down you have to raise a job on the fault which is whats happened tonight.
At my station we do have a few issues with water leaks, either on the platform or in the non-public areas.

Tonight's problem is on the platform and theirs water flowing merrily down the alcoves and basically the walls are pretty damp, so it needs to be sorted.

Me: Can I put a job out please
Them: Yeah, what's wrong
Me: I have water ingress in the alcoves on both platforms
Them: What's an alcove???
Me: Sorry??
Them: What's an alcove?
Me: OK, I have water pouring out of my walls on both platforms.
Them: Oh right.

Then theirs the fun of giving the report centre my details, ie: name, station, phone number and one thing I've always done is spell my surname.

It's an easy name, has six letters and is the same name as a who nationwide building contractor, so it's pretty easy to spell, yet for some reason after the alcove comment, I thought check to see whats been put on the job description.

I looked up the fault report and for some reason theirs a letter "E" in the middle of my surname...

There has never been a letter "E" in my surname in all the 43 years I've been using it, I checked my driving license, nope, my staff pass, nope, my name badge, nope, my station log book, nope.

Anywhere that I looked I just could not find this mysterious letter "E" I might even ring my mother so see if someone removed it at birth, but as far as I know my name has never been spelt with an "E".

Sometimes I Wonder

2011-01-06T23:21:00.003Z

Do you ever get to that point in life when you look at a member of staff and think... "Do you actually know what your doing".

Here is one prime example to why my CSA just left me scratching my head and thinking, not once but twice... what have I done to deserve this.

Him: Barrier to base.
Me: State your message.
Him: I've just been informed that someone has vomited on the overbridge.
Me: Ok, and what's your location.
Him: Ticket hall area.
Me: By any chance do you see those two contractors in the orange hivi's not 10 feet from your current location.
Him: Yes I do.
Me: And what are those contractors called.
Him: Cleaners.
Me: And do you think you could have passed this information on to them in the first place.
Him: Yes.
Me: And would you like to do that now.
Him: Yes.
Me: BINGO.

First Night Back

2011-01-05T05:52:00.002Z

And my first agrument of 2011

A customer arrives at the station at 05:35, and as I walk out of the ticket office he says to me

"Oi, where can I buy an Oyster card"
"You can't at the time of the morning"
"How do you expect me to get to St Pancras without an Oyster card"
"Pay £4 cash like everyone else"
"That's a lot of money"
"Not really, you'll pay more in a cab"
"But I have to be at St Pancras for 6"
"Well buy a ticket and you'll get there quicker then walking"

It's sometimes that difficult...

Happy New Year 2011

2011-01-05T01:52:00.004Z

So 2011 has arrived, and so far it's not been to bad.

My Christmas week was a bit hectic, what with me and the missus being on leave, having all of our kids (except for the eldest) and a little bit of driving plus train travel to do.

Christmas Day was quiet, actually very quiet, the kids were all very happy to get there presents, especially my son who got a Wii, dinner was superbly cooked by the missus with me chipping in every now and then when needed.

Boxing Day was pretty similar, with us all just chilling and playing tennis, bowling and baseball on the Wii.

On the Monday, me and the missus headed north up the M6 to collect her other two kids and things started getting a bit dicey as the snow returned to the midlands, however after driving a bit longer then would normally take, we arrived at the the changeover point so that we could collect the kids off their dad, then it was straight back home to have a good time.

Thursday, saw me heading to London to drop my kids off with my ex-wives partner, who annoyed me by being late, the bloke works on the same job as me and knows his trains in from Southend to get him to St Pancras for the change over and seeing as it was Christmas week and instead of waiting for over an hour, I dropped the kids across London to the station he was coming into.

New Years Eve saw me, the missus and her three kids heading north once more, this time up the M1 to Leeds as her ex husband was staying in Leeds with friends it made it easier for us as our eldest girl was visiting her Nan who lives two minutes from Elland Road.

We stayed in Leeds until 3:30 before heading home to Wellingborough and because the missus was working in the pub at 7:30, for some reason I made better time coming home then going up to Leeds.

The night time saw me and the missus at the pub until 5am before going home and crashing around 6am, I slept until 12:15 (bloody body clock).

Monday saw me travelling back to London once more to collect my two and then finally back home to rest and relaxation.

So that in a nutshell was how my Christmas went.

Happy Christmas One And All

2010-12-24T08:07:00.002Z

I would like to wish all my readers a very Happy Christmas for 2010, and may any disappointments you've had throughout the year be put aside so that you have a brand new year to look forward too.

For the first time in years my Christmas will be like a proper full family affair, 2009 was just me, the missus and the eldest, this year comprises of me, the missus, all three of the kids who live with us and then from Monday, my missus's other two kids will be coming down from Blackpool to join in the festivities.

The only one missing out is my 17 year old who for jealousy reasons doesn't speak to me anymore.

So once more I wish you all a Very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and I hope you get everything you ask for.

See you in 2011...

Oops I Almost Forgot...

2010-12-24T08:00:00.001Z

On Tuesday night we finally caught up with the rest of the country and had a decent amount of snow, ok I say decent but it was about an inch and a half deep.

Anyway back to the story, my daughter needed to go to the local hospital to have a blood test, so as I'm driving carefully through the streets of Wellingborough, I arrive at Castle Street and do a leisurely right turn at the junction and as I make the turn, I adjust my steering to take the car straight down the road, but my car decides to just keep turning, I have my wheels straight but my car is now going sideways down the road at roughly a 45 degree angle, my daughter is beside me wailing like a banshee "dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad" which has me pissing myself with laughter as I was as I knew we were safe in the skid and I was nowhere near anything that I would hit it.

We arrived safely at the hospital and when my daughter saw the needle, which was about two inches long, I did the typical dad thing and said to the nurse "make sure you stab her nice and hard and put the whole of the needle deeply into her arm" the nurse countered with "oh but us nurses love causing kids pain" this brought a suitable look of terror from my daughter.

As the nurse was about to stab my daughter in the arm, my daughter grabbed my hand like a Scotsman hanging onto a fiver in a death grip and said to me "If I'm gonna feel pain, then so are you"

Ahh she's the apple of her dads eye...

You Can Tell It's Christmas

2010-12-10T11:25:00.003Z

When I go out and buy a fucking huge tree.

I love having real trees at Christmas as it leaves a lovely smell around the house, so yesterday, me and the missus went to the local garden centre and after asking one of the staff which trees don't drop a lot of needles, he pointed out the Nordmans and I said

"Right I'll have that one"

It's as simple as that, I like big trees as they add a bit of character to Christmas, far to many people are thinking it's all "BAH HUMBUG" but sod it, it only comes around once a year, costs loads and you always think thank god that's over for another year, but make the most of it and just relax and enjoy it.

At Work

2010-12-05T21:26:00.001Z

Bored shitless

Sigh

I Have My Silly Head On

2010-12-04T18:23:00.003Z

Unfortunately my sense of humour does have a very bad habit of running away with itself.
Take just a minute ago, I have just got off the phone to another station further west of me and left the SS in a flabbergasted way

Them "I've just put a VIP (visually impaired person) in the front car on train 224"
Me "What does the guide dog look like"?
Them "What"?
Me "The guide dog, is it a good looking one"?
Them "I don't know if they have a guide dog as I didn't put them on the train"
Me "So that's a VIP on train 224, front car"?
Them "Er yeah"
Me "Thank you, goodbye"

Click

A Tale Of Two Supervisors

2010-12-04T17:51:00.003Z

There were three of us sitting/standing in the office chatting amicably, two supervisor and one CSA, then suddenly...

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Someone has press one of the emergency help points on the eastbound platform.

I spin around in my chair to look at the CCTV in the office and catch sight of a group of teens or early 20 year olds running along the platform laughing like children. I reset the help point handset, harrumph in frustration, and think nothing of it.

Until...

As we are watching the escapades of these people, we noticed that four people have become separated from the group and are preforming wheel barrow manoeuvres' along the platform which ends in a crumpled heap not 12 inches from the edge of the platform, this then develops into play fighting between two of them.

I'm up out of my seat and so is my colleague, I'm out of the office door in a flash and making my way over to the eastbound platform, I'm now face to face with three blokes and on young lady, I tear into these young whipper snappers and explain the things about toy fighting has often ended in people falling onto the track and them either being killed by a train or worse, wheel chair bound with bits missing for the rest of there lives.

Graphic but true.

I let them off with "If I see you messing about on the station again, you wont be travelling"

As I turn round to see what my colleague has to say, it's only then that I notice that he's no where near me and has actually stopped to put his coat on before joining us on the platform.

As he walks passed me to start dealing with the young lads, I hear the immortal words of "What do you think you are doing"???

I but in and tell him I've already dealt with it.

His reply...

Oh!!!!

The Long Journey Home.

2010-11-28T10:14:00.003Z

I'm working nights this week so normally on a Sunday I let the early man come in late as my first train home isn't until 9am, so today my relief arrived at 8:00 (which for him is late) and after chatting for a bit and having a final coffee I left the station to catch my train home.

I travelled the ten minutes to St Pancras, and as luck would have it my train home was sitting in platform four and raring to go, I boarded the train, made myself comfortable and...

Bing Bong Bang... "Sorry ladies and gentlemen, this train is now cancelled due to a lack of available staff... All change please"

FUCK!!!

So I got off the train, and because I wear my uniform home, I started getting asked questions about where the next train would be leaving from.

"How would I know, do I look like I work for the train company" was all I said and then with a steely stare, I wandered off.

Then the announcement was made that the train was on platform 3, so I jumped straight on to the 10 carriage train, made up of two, five carriage trains. and once more I made myself comfortable and waited for the train to depart for home at 9:30.

9:30 came and went, so did 9:35, 9:40 and 9:45, finally an explanation came out...

"Ladies and gentlemen, due to a frozen windscreen, we will need to swap the two trains around so that the faulty windscreen wiper is in the middle of the train, but to do this we have to ask everyone to leave the train and wait on the platform, also customer for Nottingham might find it quicker by taking to 10:00 instead"

DOUBLE FUCK!!!

So there you have it, the first two trains of the day and I've been turfed off both.

Seeing as the 10:00 is a nice big High Speed Train, I thought fuck it, I'm getting on that one and if it breaks down this time, I'll stay on board and sleep on it instead.

Come 10:00 and I'm finally on my way home and better yet, the 9:30 is still sitting in the platform.

So there you have it, we finally left St Pancras and started motoring along at a fair rate of speed, only to get passed the M25 and then grind to a halt somewhere south of Luton, luckily we only sat the for two minutes before we set off north once more.

Well Fuck Me Rigid

2010-11-13T22:49:00.002Z

Every year since I split with my ex wife, we've always split Christmas with the kids, one year with me, the other with her, and vice versa with new years.
So tonight I text my ex-wife about the new year arrangements and to my surprise she replied "yes" straight away.

Well blow me down with a feather and call me Shirley...

So at the moment my kids are going to stay at there mums from the 29th December until the 3rd January.

On another note, my partners other two kids are coming down for a few days over the week leading to new year and will go back to Blackpool on the 31st, all we need to do now is make arrangements to have the eldest stop else where and we will have new years eve to ourselves...

Well That's A Shock

2010-11-10T20:55:00.002Z

As I was sitting in the car today and waiting for my other step daughter to finish at an appointment in the hospital, I decided I'd give it one last chance with my ex-wife.

I called her phone and seeing as I knew I wouldn't get an answer, I left a message saying that I'm still ok to drop the kids down to St Pancras on Friday and I'll stand by the door and wait until the kids reached her car and were with her safely.

And surprise surprise... I got a text reply back saying ok.

So my kids are finally getting to see there for the first time since summer.

Hopefully the kids now can have a proper relationship with the kids and will see them more often...

Once More Into The Breach I Go part 3

2010-11-09T22:28:00.003Z

So things aren't good with my step daughter with her not talking to me life on that front has become pretty grim, do I still care about her, of course I do, do I understand her jealousy, yes I do.

She's had her brother and sister in her life all her life and all of a sudden they decide that they want to come live with dad. I've tried with my eldest to make her part of my family, but because she's now has mum all to herself, she's jealous whenever her brother and sister come to visit.

As for mum, well she's something different altogether.

My daughter had her appendix out in February and as any decent ex will do, I kept my ex in the loop, however our daughter sent my ex a text saying that she would be having surgery at 8.00 then next morning, considering that it was the surgeon coming to speak to us at 8.00 and to let us know what was going on and roughly when the op would be, I thought it best to let my ex know that there was no need to rush up in the morning but to arrive later, however due to the mix up by my daughter , my ex was on the train heading to London and would be in Kettering fairly shortly.

You see my daughter is prone to misunderstandings and getting information wrong.

Just like the time I got a call from my daughter one Friday night asking where I was, as they were waiting at Southend East station for me to collect them.
Unfortunately my daughter got it a week early and was devastated by her mistake.

So going by these previous mistakes, I've been texting my ex about the kids coming down for the last half term, but due to me falling out with the step daughter, I'm now public enemy number one, so my 15 year old daughter has been getting texts from her mum saying she's welcome down any time.

I've told my daughter to ask her mum to text me and not her as she is only 15 and she makes mistakes with the details.

But no, my ex continues texting my daughter what to she has to do, even though I'm the ones who will be taking the kids to London for my ex to collect them. I even sent her the times I would be in London to drop the kids off and to collect hem from her too.

Now I know I'm a stubborn fucker but my ex is being a complete cunt as this is only affecting the kids and not me. I'm just here to pick up the pieces from my upset daughter.

My son is to much like me as he doesn't seem to give two shits.

The topping on the cake came last week when once more she text my daughter telling her they are having a party for her husband and would love my kids to be there.

So once more I started texting my ex explaining the situation and that I don't mind dropping the kids to London, but she needs to text me and not my daughter.

In the end I finally received a text saying

"You know what (insert my name here) I give up my right to see my kids for now"...

I GIVE UP MY RIGHTS TO SEE MY KIDS FOR NOW!!!

What sort of a self centred, up her own arse sort of woman did I marry.

And do you know the worst of it, my son can't be bothered to go see his mum any more and my daughter has just given up.

WELL DONE EX WIFE BECAUSE OF YOUR STUBBORNNESS... YOU'VE JUST FUCKED YOUR KIDS LIVES UP...

Now take me to court because if you've given up your rights to see them for now, then you're obviously unfit to call yourself a mother, let alone the mother to my kids.

I'm just glad my kids have got me and my missus to pick them back up again.

Once More Into The Breach I Go part 2

2010-11-06T17:45:00.008Z

A couple of weeks ago I received a text from my step daughter which said "Tell that thieving son of yours I want my games back"

I thought, well that's a nice way to start a text conversation.

So me being me, I replied back to her and asked what games and why is she calling my son and her brother a thief.

To cut a long story short, when my son had stayed at his mums over the summer, my daughter had packed his bags to come home and had picked up a couple of games which weren't his, I asked my son about them and he said he didn't know he had taken them and was sorry.

I explained that to the step daughter who wasn't interested in that and started calling him names which in the end doesn't work with me so I hung up.

My step daughter text my 15 year old asking for home number, when the phone rang the eldest asked to speak to my son and started screaming abuse down the phone, the abuse was that loud that my missus could hear it from the other side of the room.

My missus took the phone from my gob smacked son and told my step daughter to stop swearing at my son, when my step daughter wouldn't listen, my missus promptly hung up

When my step daughter rang back, my missus answered the phone and once more asked my step daughter to calm down or she couldn't speak to my son, when my step daughter got nasty once more, my missus simply... hung up.

Seeing as I had gone to work I received a text from my step daughter telling me that "THING" had hung up on her.

I called my missus to find out what had happened and she told me exactly what happened and how nasty my step daughter was to my son. At this I went mental and rang the step daughter to find out just what the hell was going on in her head and who did she think she was having a go at my son.

After a very stupid and immature response from her, I couldn't be bothered speaking to a spoilt brat and told her to grow up and leave her brother and sister alone as they would bring the games down next time they visited and if she had been polite in the first place I would have sent them the next day.

But no, my step daughter, who wasn't listening, and in the end I'm ashamed to say that I acted much like a child myself, I sent her a very nasty text which basically said...

"Stop acting like a spoilt child and stop being acting like a jealous little girl just because your brother and sister have there real father in there life and yours doesn't want anything to do with you"

Nasty I know and something I'm not proud of as I've lowered myself to her standards...

Once More Into The Breach I Go part 1

2010-11-06T17:28:00.002Z

And why am I going there, it's because of the love I hold for my kids.

Let me explain...

In the summer of 2009 my daughter and son decided that they wanted to move in with dad, this all came about because my partner moved in with me, and because of this, my two kids upped sticks and moved the 120 miles from Southend to Wellingborough.

During this time things have sort of been on an even keel with my ex-wife and we've actually been communicating like parents should, don't get me wrong things haven't always been pleasant but there was mutual contact between us when it came to the kids.

The thing that has been annoying both me and my partner is the fact that my kids have had very little contact with there mum, she has only seen my son three times and my daughter, four.

The last time my ex-wife saw the kids was during the summer holiday when she had our daughter for three weeks and my son for two.

So you can see my dilemma, I want my kids to see their mum more often but for some reason she is keeping my kids at a distance.

It all came to a head after the summer holidays when I dared to ask my ex to contribute more to the kids family life and even if she can give any money towards the kids as she hasn't paid anything since they moved in as she has been training to be a nurse.

I was hit with a response I didn't expect, "Well if you and your future wife are struggling why should I help you".

The truth is we aren't struggling and my partner gives her ex money towards her own kids dad.

I was gobsmacked and told her that I thought she should actually try and involve the kids in her life instead of just taking care of herself, which brought the reply "Well it's a different kind of parenting and if the kids want me they know where I am" which I rumbled "Well it's a shit kind of parenting".

So there we have it, or so I thought.

I Don't Do PC... But If I Did...

2010-10-31T18:00:00.002Z

I received an email from a friend last week and thought afterwards, yes political correctness and other things in this country are fucking ridiculous so why can we work by theses laws too.

New Immigration Laws…

1 There will be no special bilingual programmes in the schools.

2. All ballots will be in this nation's language.

3. All government business will be conducted in our language.

4. Non-residents will NOT have the right to vote no matter how long they are here.

5. Non-citizens will NEVER be able to hold political office

6. Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No benefits, no health care or other government assistance programmes. Any burden will be deported.

7. Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount at least equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.

8. If foreigners come here and buy land... Options will be restricted. Certain parcels including waterfront property are reserved for citizens naturally born into this country.

9.. Foreigners may have no protests; no demonstrations, no waving of a foreign flag, no political organising, no bad-mouthing our Prime Minister or his policies. These will lead to deportation.

10. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be actively hunted &, when caught, sent to jail until your deportation can be arranged. All assets will be taken from you.

Too strict?......

The above laws are the current immigration laws of ALL Muslim countries!

These sound fine to me, NOW, how can we get these laws to be American, Canada, Australian, New Zealand and British immigration Laws ???

Enough of this "politically correct" crap!!!

Double Edged Sword

2010-10-25T18:42:00.002+01:00

The one thing I love about my job is the lack of consitancy between managers, one manager says one thing, yet another manager will say another.

I asked for a small favour on Thursday and all that favour was, was to come in three hours early but my manager said "No, because of your unions industrial action why should I play ball and let you come in early, you'll have to come in at your proper time".

So basically, because I've supported the recent actions against my employer, I have to work to my correct roster even though I'm spare and haven't been given a duty to cover.

Strange how another manager just last week let my colleague, who was doing exactly the same shift as I am come in at 11:00 instead of his proper time of 15:00

Mind you there is a simple solution and that's basically "Don't ask me to do you any favours any more"...

Two Days Of Complete Boredom

2010-10-24T17:10:00.002+01:00

Engineering works all weekend.

No train service.

Bored shitless.

Sigh...

Is There A Doctor In THe House

2010-10-23T13:26:00.003+01:00

So things were ticking over smoothly at work, with nothing major happening and peace and quiet riegned over the station.

Then the phone rang.

The voice on the other end of the line told me that next train pulling into my platform had a P.E.A. (passenger emergency alarm) operated and could I investigate, as I put down the phone I thought oh well so much for a peaceful night.

The train duly pulled into my platform and as the doors opened.... All hell broke loose.

Passengers came spewing out of a carriage like the devil himself was on board, and when I arrived I could see why, there thrashing around on the floor like Linda Blair from the Exorcist, was a woman in the throes of an asthmatic fit.

It was at this point I thought "OH FUCK!!!!!!!"

So I boarded the train and pushed my way easily (I am 6`2 and almost 18 stone after all) through the out rushing crowd, as I reached the woman I found another customer trying to hold her still and the woman's male friend standing over her screaming that she needs help (no shit Sherlock).

I tried to speak to the thrashing woman and between sharp intakes of breath she tried to tell me what happened and that she needed her medication which was in her bag, unfortunately the fucktard of a male friend had lost the plot and at first I couldn't get through to him what I needed.

As my CSA (Customer Service Assistant) came to help I told him to clear the platform and also I got the driver to clear the carriage of any malingerers and gawpers (bloody rubber neckers) from the area.

Luckily for me and especially for the the young lady a doctor made himself known to me and started helping the young lady.

At this point her friend started pissing me off as all he wanted to do was hinder us and go home, so as he tried to push between me and the doctor I grabbed him, spun him around and told him very forcefully (OK I barked at him) to:

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!".

For some unknown reason that worked.

After a little while the woman came round and we all breathed (including her) a huge sigh of relief, so after escorting her off the train and onto the platform to await the ambulance, me and the woman got talking about all sorts of stuff and we were even comparing tattoos.

Once more her friend started grumbling about wanting to go home as his train was coming in, so once more I had to have words but this time a lot quieter

"Look mate, either shut up or fuck off... GOT IT!!!"

I'm not known at work for my sensitive side or subtly when dealing with fucktards who piss me off.

But all things told it turned out better then first expected.

Mind you when the doctor shook my hand, there came the parting shot from the doctor which came with a wink that had me smiling again

"You did well, but your bedside manner needs a bit of work".

Another Gay Man

2010-10-15T01:41:00.002+01:00

Unfortunately a friend of mine emailed me this link which has had us both laughing so hard that at times we couldn't breath.

Certain parts of the clip just catch you by surprise and have you laughing out loud.

Don't get me wrong, I'm fully sympathetic to the people in the clip but you can tell that the blokes in the clip also find things they say equally funny.

So sit back and enjoy Johnny Davidson and his friends...

On Being A Fat Bastard

2010-10-05T08:38:00.003+01:00

As you can tell from the title I'm a little on the large size, even a bit rotund.

However three weeks ago I was even heavier then I am, until I decided that once more I would jump on to the weight lose band wagon and try once and for all to get my fat arse below that 15 stone mark and on the right track to see me at a stealthy 14 stones.

One thing I've heard most of my life is "Ooh you don't look that heavy" or "Well you're so tall that you carry it really well.

The truth of the matter is, I'm five stone overweight and seeing as I'm now a middle aged (43) man (I might be middle aged (43) but I sure don't act it) I really need to shift this weight now.

So instead of doing something completely stupid with losing weight (slitting throat or gastric band come to mind) I'm going to conquer this weight once and for all.

So I've hatched a cunning plan to help me succeed.

1 Join fat club and start my diet.
2 Eat the correct amount of points for my diet, and believe me that's one hell of a lot of food.
3 Set myself attainable targets.
4 Start walking the 20 minutes to the station instead instead of the four minutes in the car.
5 Get a wig (oops gone off topic).
6 When I have dropped below 17 stone (even if it's by 1/2 a lb) start swimming again.
7 Buy goggles so I can ogle the woman under water... er I mean so my eyes don't sting.
8 Carry on swimming until I've gone below 16 stone.
9 Once under 16 stone, start back at the gym.
10 Once I'm under the 15 stone mark, god only knows as I've not been under 15 stone in almost 20 years.

So that's my plan, hopefully it works but if not, I'll still be that lovable fat bastard I've always been...

P.S. As I've just been bollocked by the missus I had best add this bit or she will kill me.

Another reason I'm on the diet is that my missus has joined fat club to and we are doing the diet together also the fact that she said she wasn't going to marry a fat bloke also had the right incentive for me to lose weight...

Just A Quick Entry

2010-10-02T08:26:00.001+01:00

Hello

That is all.

Ouch

2010-09-29T19:46:00.004+01:00

One thing I forgot to mention in my last post is my back.

Over the past few years, OK the past 18 years I've been having muscle spasms in my lower back. It started when I was 25 and to this day I still have problems.

I know what caused it and when it happened. I used to go to a gym in Tufnell Park and whilst doing leg presses, my back pinged and the weight of 120KG on each leg came crashing down and pinned me to the seat.

Ever since then I've been having problems, however last year my right leg decided to join in with my back and give me sciatic nerve problems, so from August through to July this year I was having Physiotherapy with a lovely Kiwi girl called Jen. My right leg has been in constant pain, most of the time the pain has been manageable, but at other times I thought my knee was going to literally explode from the pressure.

Then this July, the pain just stopped and my leg started working normally (for me) again although my back is now in constant pain, nothing severe, just a pain that you know is "there".

My Physio forwarded me to to an orthopaedic doctor who then sent me for an MRI scan, I don't know if you've ever had an MRI scan but for someone my size it was a bit tight. as I looked up at the roof of the scanner it was less than 3 inches from my nose and even worse my elbows were touching the sides.

The reason I had to have the scan is to determine if my spine is starting to crumble and if I might need to have an operation at some future date.

So all I need to do now is wait for the results which come through between 10 and 14 days later.

It's Been A While

2010-09-29T19:04:00.002+01:00

Sorry for the obvious lack of updates but with one thing or another I really haven't had any inclination to blog.

So whats been happening since my last entry (or exit if I'm being blunt).

Not much really, I'm just going through life with a happy little smile on my face, geting myself into some serious trouble at work that could have seen me getting me my P45 through the post, abusing my colleague next door but very little else.

My missus has got herself a full time job as a manager of a charity shop, so that sees me helping out, well I say helping, I don't get any bloody choice in the matter as it's a case of get your lazy arse out of bed as I need stuff moving.

Amy our little visitor is still around but she is being very quiet lately and ony makes herself known when she's unhappy about something.

My kids have started school once more and my son has now moved up to secondary school, at the moment though he has got himself grounded until the 21st October and on top of that he isn't allowed to play with his PS3, PS2 or his PSP. He is only allowed on the PC to do his school home work.

When I told him of his grounding you could see from his face that he was thinking, oh well I still have my Playstation but when I told him the rest, his little face crumbled and I had to swallow hard not to crack myself.

So that's life at the moment, tonight I'm working a late turn at the station next door, and then it's a day off before I start a week of seven earlies

Introducing Amy Part 1

2010-07-26T04:16:00.000+01:00

Sorry I haven't been here lately, I've just been a bit busy finding out stuff about a spirit girl who shares our home.

Her name is Amy and she's around 8 years of age, and she's starting to be a cheeky little minx, just like any other 8 year old kid.

You might be wondering how I came to find out about Amy, well a couple of friends of mine share a house with a fella called Daniel who works for a company called Fright Nights, he's a demonologist, a medium and an paranormal investigator, getting back to the story though, about six or seven weeks ago we had a BBQ and our friends were at our house for the the evening, my mate Chris suddenly asked me "do you know there's a little girl sitting in the doorway watching you"? Well that wasn't a question I was expecting to hear, so I asked how does he know and he told me he could see her, also that we have a spirit watch dog that patrols the area and is currently sat in the corner of the garden, he's ok though as he is just seeing what all the noise is about.

Well as you can imagine, this came as a bit of a shock, you may remember me thinking I saw something a little while back whilst I was at work one night, but this is in my own home. Me and my partner had noticed changes in in the house over the past month or two and our eldest had even mentioned hearing a little girl, but also waking up feeling very uncomfortable and a figure of a man standing at the bottom of her bed.

As the night ran on, Chris asked me if I wanted to do a seance and to see if we could find out anything from her, so a short time later I found myself sitting in my front room, my missus to the right of me, Chris in front of me and his missus to my left, we all placed our little fingers on the glass and Chris started asking questions.

Then the fun started, I've never done a seance before and to tell you the truth, as well as being interested I was slightly scared ok truthfully I was shit scared but very intrigued.

I've seen things on Most Haunted before, where they do a seance and the glass moves but when I felt it moving under my own finger I almost soiled my under crackers. I kept a careful eye on Chris in case he was movingthe glass, but I could see nothing looking like he was moving the glass, a few times him and his missus even took there own fingers so it was just me and my missus with our fingers on the glass and it still moved, now that did scare the shit out of me, but still we carried on.

It's strange really, now that I think about that night, as we sat there asking yes or no questions and getting various responses and answers a name flashed into my head, totally out of the blue and one that would probably never enter my head in a month of Sundays... "AMY"?. "Is your name Amy"? the glass moved to yes, "are you six?" no "are you seven?" no "eight"? yes.

So that's how I found out that I have an 8 year old spirit sharing my house., once we found out her name things went even faster, Amy was spinning the glass around the floor first one way and then the other, the strangest thing about the glass was when she would rotate it on the spot so that our fingers became intertwined, with only our little fingers touching the glass, that would be hard for any one to move. I was strange how I would get sudden flashes and get either a few answers or even a flash of an image, not a definate figure but sometimes a vague out line of the little.

We we're just about to call it a night when our eldest walked in and just asked would she know the man who stands at the bottom of her bed, straight away the glass flashed to yes, it had been a retorical question but Amy had answered so forcefully it started my mate Chris off asking proper questions, it was from then onwards things started to turn a bit dark and synister.

"Amy do you know the dark man in the bedroom"? Yes.
"Would I be able to see him if I went to the bedroom"? Yes.
"Is he in the bedroom now"? Yes.

Chris called for the five minute break so he could go to the room and see what was going on in there, a few minutes later he came downstairs looking none to happy, he explained to us that this bloke was a piece of dirt and he has real bad feelings about him, but he has put a protective bubble (think of the Ready Brek kid in the advert) around the house and also around our eldest girl, so he shouldn't be able to get in to the house or anywhere close to our eldest.

Once more we sat down with Amy and our 2nd daughter asked if she could sit in as she would like to feel what its like, Chris asked Amy if it was ok for one of our girls to join in, and when Amy said yes, Chris stood up and started asking Amy questions again.

"Amy, has the bad man gone from the house" Yes.
"Do you feel better now" Yes.
"Can you still see the bad man" A hesitant yes.
"Is he by the window" Yes.
"Can he see you now" Yes.
"But you feel safe in this house" Yes.
"Do you feel protected in this house" Yes.
"Do you think someone in this house will protect you" Yes.
"Can you point to who" Yes.
"Well show us then"

As Chris finished asking the question, the glass flew straight towards me and stopped at my feet.

"Do you feel safe with John". Yes.
"Do you feel like John can protect you from the bad man" Yes.
"Is it because John is so big " Yes.
"Is the bad man is scared of John" Yes.

Chris then informed me that he shouldn't be as I can do fuck all... Nice.

No Shit Sherlock

2010-07-26T03:54:00.003+01:00

What a fucking night, the photo above is of me struggling with a dose of constipation that left me feel absolutely fucked, totally wasted and needing to lie down in a dark corner to recover.

I struggled for over an hour to give a birth to something the size of a small child, I sweated that much I felt like I was sitting in a sauna, it was that bad that I had take my shirt off as it was sticking to my body and instead of having a damp shirt all night, I thought it was best if I removed my shirt as I felt restricted whilst trying to expel the monster pooh from my body.

In the end I conquered the beast and spent the rest of the night in extreme discomfort as my rectum feels like it has been stretched to the outer stratosphere.

5 Years of Remembrance

2010-07-07T12:30:00.001+01:00

Five years on and our thoughts are still with the 52 victims of the 7th July 2005 bombings.

KINGS CROSS

James Adams
Samantha Badham
Philip Beer
Anna Brandt
Ciaran Cassidy
Rachelle ChungFor Yuen
Elizabeth Daplyn
Arthur Frederick
Karolina Gluck
Gamze Gunoral
Lee Harris
Ojara Ikeagwu
Emily Jenkins
Adrian Johnson

Helen Jones
Susan Levy
Shelley Mather
Michael Matsushita
James Mayes
Behnaz Mozakka
Mihaela Otto

Atique Sharifi
Ihab Slimane
Christian Small
Monika Suchocka
Mala Trivedi

TAVISTOCK SQUARE

AnthonyFatayi-Williams
Jamie Gordon
Giles Hart
Marie Hartley
Miriam Hyman
Shahara Islam
Neetu Jain

Sam Ly
Shyanuja Parathasangary
Anat Rosenberg
Philip Russell
William Wise
Gladys Wundowa

ALDGATE

Lee Baisden
Benedetta Ciaccia
Richard Ellery
Richard Gray
Anne Moffat
Fiona Stevenson
Carrie Taylor

EDGWARE ROAD

Michael Brewster
Jonathan Downey
David Foulkes
Colin Morley
Jennifer Nicholson
Laura Webb

Moving Home And Labouring...

2010-05-03T02:52:00.004+01:00

Not me, my mate from the station next door.

So here's the plan.

Monday night I'll borrow a van from another work mate, drive down to London and wait for my last night shift to finish.

Tuesday morning will a case of waiting for my colleague to arrive, jumping into the van (playing Slipknot or some other sort of rock music to annoy him) then first things first, get a double sausage and egg mcmuffin meal with an extra sausage and egg mcmuffin (this is what I normally had when I used to collect the missus from work).

Then it's round to his ground floor flat to start lugging stuff out of his house and into the van, once the van is loaded, it will be a case of driving him round the corner and helping to lug the stuff in to his new pad which just happens to be a first floor flat.

When it's all over and done with, I'll then have the nice drive home.

Wednesday will see me up early once more and over to another friends and help rip apart his drive way so he can get a new one laid,.

So lots of exhausting exercise for me to do over the next few days.

I'll look forward to coming back to work on Thursday just for the rest.

Oh Shit

2010-04-09T21:54:00.002+01:00

I just realised I've been writing this blog for over five years, and all that time my spelling has improved but I still use there instead of thier and I still forget to use the good old ? mark.

Well you never know, will I still be here in five years time :)

Two Nasty Days At Work

2010-03-31T14:37:00.004+01:00

Monday
I arrived in London around 14:05 and set off to Kings Cross to get the train two stops along the line to my own station, as I reached the platform I looked at the Dot Matrix (train describer) board and and thought that's lucky only one minute to wait.
The train trundled into the platform, the doors opened, passengers got off, I got on and that was that, the train just sat in the platform.

A PA was made by the driver to let customers know that due to a signal failure at Baker Street trains were moving extremely slowly through the affected area.

Great I'm travelling to work and I'll have a signal failure to deal with when I get there.

So now for a decision, do I wait for the train to slowly trundle up to my station or jump on the Vic line to Warren Street and walk the incredibly long three minutes to my place.

Sod it time for the Vic Line.

So off I went, walked to the other side of Kings Cross to get to the Viv line, jumped on a train and shot off to Warren Street, walked the three minutes along the road to my own station, walked down the stairs to my office and waved to the driver of the train I got off in the first place who had only just arrived at my station and said "Bollox" to myself as I could of had a seat the whole way here.

So there I was, not 10 seconds into work and dealing with a signal failure at the station next door and a potential service suspension, I spoke to my colleague to find out what was going on and because it didn't make any sense, I just agreed with him, waited for him to go home and then contacted information to get the truth of the matter.

Basically the signal outside of Baker Street had failed, so that signal was affecting the signal which allows the trains to depart Baker Street (this is not the technical terms as I'm pretty sure that words like outer home and the station starter might confuse a few of my readers).

So there I was, for the first two hours of my shift, up to my armpits in a crap service, trains sitting in my westbound platform for a minimum of 25 minutes and arriving on my eastbound roughly every 20 minutes, and best yet, the information I was blasting out on the PA

Severe Delays to all destinations.

Day 2
I arrived at work and things were running smoothly, no problems anywhere, good service all lines.

Then BANG, the job fell over.

Today instead of being a signal failure at Baker Street, Moorgate decided to join in the fun, signal failure westbound, bugger.

So now I have trains coming through very slowly westbound and because of Met trains trying to get into and out of Aldgate, my eastbound service is literally shot to hell, so another evening of mayhem and madness had begun.

Around 6:40 a member of signals popped down on the track, replaced a fuse and hey presto, the service fully resumed travelling swiftly back and forth in both directions, well it did for the first 20 minutes then BANG again, this time a problem at my own station as I passenger was having an epileptic fit on an eastbound train

OH BOLLOX

Off I went to deal with the incident and luckily (OK very luckily) enough there was a doctor on board already giving the person first aid and medical assistance, at this point I must admit to my head flashing back to something that happened a few weeks back where a passenger collapsed and died on the train, but as I said I was lucky that the customer was having a fit and nothing more serious then that.

I was also lucky to have to transport police officers on the station who helped clear the train so the doctor could deal with the customer who was fitting. When the customer finally came round and we made sure with the doctor it was OK to move the customer to a bench on the platform.

In the middle of this I had a man come up to me and say something that sounded to me like "I'm blah de blah de blah manager" and then shake my hand. "Oh OK" I replied and then I promptly ignored him whilst I carried on dealing with the incident on board the train.

7 minutes from the train stopping to the train departing, now that's not bad compared to what it could have been like.

After the train had departed and the manager was standing beside me and I turned to him and said "Sorry, who are you again"? "Oh sorry, I'm so as so the Met line performance manager trains"

Oh shit, basically this bloke that I ignored is the person in charge of the whole train service and the joint second in charge of the whole Metropolitan line.

But worse was still to come.

After the person taken ill on a train, I had to filled out all the relevant paperwork, I filled out the log book and then did the incident report on the PC, when I went to do a spell check, the PC froze and then crashed so the report was lost, bugger, as I rebooted the PC looked over the log entry again only to find I had written it under Sundays log entries and not Tuesdays, Double Bugger,

I finally finished all my paperwork by 10:30, just in time to go home.

And It's Back To Work

2010-03-28T20:34:00.002+01:00

I've been on leave for the passed week and all I have to do is wait until May 16th and I have another two weeks off.

This week has literally flown past, I did lots of little somethings and did lots of little nothings too. I've mainly been scouting Free Cycle which is a neat little site and can get you some nice stuff free.

Me and the missus decided to make the back room of the new house a den for the kids and their friends, (it's been years since I had that many kids around the house) so I picked up a nice big two/three seat sofa, a 32" TV which has now made it's home in my bedroom whilst the old TV had migrated downstairs to the den, a portable TV for my daughter so she can watch DVD's in her room (especially when she's in a pissy mood) and some nice thick curtains for our bedroom, which will help me sleep when on nights.
At the moment I'm waiting for a reply to a chest freezer to put in the garage and a 12ft trampoline for the garden also because of these little free bees, I'm seeing a lot more of the county.

Thursday I spent most, ok all of the afternoon and evening backing up and doing a clean install on my iPhone, I had to delete a load of of tracks off the play list on iTunes before I remembered to tick the box that says *ticked songs only*

TWAT

So all in all a fairly good week off.

That Felt Good

2010-03-21T11:09:00.003Z

I just realised that after writting the last two posts, I feel like I've got the blogging bug back again, hopefully I keep my re-found pleasure up and running and will up date more often.

I think I might even go back to my original title

Perfect Timing

2010-03-21T10:27:00.002Z

One thing that made me laugh about last night shift was a little thing that happened about 12 o'clock.

I was watching the CCTV, when I spotted three woman/girls walking along the platform towards the exit stairs. They stopped looked around and started to head back towards the far end of the platform.

I thought that's strange, so I followed them along the platform using the CCTV, when they reached the far end of the platform, they all stopped and started looking around sheepishly, I thought oh yes, and what are you ladies up to.

Next thing, two of the woman/girls moved right up against the wall and dropped their pants, and squatted on the platform and proceeded to pee, unfortunately for them they had stopped right beside a passenger help point.

Quick as a flash I pressed the intercom button and said loudly into the mic "THANK YOU LADIES".

As they jumped up and scurried away, I saw two bared white arses flashing along the platform as they tried to run away, as they reached the stairs to leave the platform, I walked out of my office and once more I said across the platform "Thank you ladies" with a squeal they ran upstairs and out of the station.

Oh the fun and frolics of a Saturday night...

No Common Sense

2010-03-21T07:07:00.002Z

My job is making me old before my time and it's all down to one member of staff who just seem to have a clue.

This morning as I'm wandering around the station doing me pre-opening checks, I reached the head wall (the drivers end of the platform) to check on the camera monitors that the train drivers use when closing the doors and departing the station.

I looked on the monitor and was shocked to see a passenger standing on the platform, I looked along the platform and thought how the hell did he get down here (actually I thought fuck me what's he doing down here). Then it clicked, my early turn had opened the station a little to early.

You might think that that shouldn't be a problem, however when I'm working nights shifts, I switch off 2/3rds of the station lighting and plnge the station into a blissful darkness.

I made my why up to the ticket hall area and asked what the hell did the CSA think he was doing, apparently because I asked him to put the ticket gates in to service he thought it was fine to open the station even though only a third of the station lights on.

When proceeded to rip into him he said to me "Oh should I close the gates again then"?

I just through my hands up in the air shook, my head in disgust and said "What's the use, I've got passengers all over the station and I'm not going to clear the station just because you fucked up".

Here We Go Again ... Company Plan Part 2

2010-03-11T22:41:00.002Z

So it looks like in the next year things at work could get interesting, today an email was sent out from my bosses office explaining the details.

Around 450 booking clerks will be losing their jobs in one way or another and between 150 and 200 Customer Service Assistants will be gong the same way

My station will be hit in the the following way:

The booking office at my station will be opening on a Monday to Friday from 07:15 until 11:45 and from between 15:45 until 19:15. On Saturday from 08:00 until 14:00 and on Sundays from 09:00 until 14:45.

At the moment though my own grade is sort of safe, but on other lines, group areas will be moved around and others amalgamated and disbanded, with the loss of seven groups, that means seven Group Managers and 45 Duty Managers will need to find either new jobs on LUL or seek employment else where.

I can visualize how the rosters will change at my own station

Either two of the rostered booking clerks remaining and working Monday to Friday and a part timer at the weekends, or keeping the four clerks and getting rid of the CSA's as the booking clerks can cover both the ticket ofice and the gate line.

This will be the second time I've gone through major changes, the first was in 1993 when one of our so called managers told us bluntly that yes changes are coming, a new contract will be issued and you either have 13 weeks to sign it or say good bye to your jobs.

God knows what other changes are about to hit us...

You're Fucking Shitting Me

2010-02-21T16:28:00.003Z

I went out on Friday night with my missus and her best mate who's down from Leeds, and a pleasant night was had by all three until we went into the pub where my missus works.

We started chatting to one of her regulars, who normally doesn't say boo to a goose, so as the night rolled along, things progress between my missus best mate and this bloke.

The bloke in question strolled off to use the gents and as he walked out he was accosted by a woman and her mates, so me being me I walked over to try and rescue him and managed to get him a little bit further up the corridor before he told me to leave it as he would deal with it all.

Then the fun really happened, as my missus went to use the loo, she became involved with the argument, and without me knowing, this Trollope had grabbed my missus by the throat and pinned her to the wall.

About five minutes later, my missus told me what had happened, as I was making sure she was OK and we had finally got the silent bloke away from this woman, Mrs Trollope barged through the door and started hurling abuse at Mr Quiet when she said some words that made my blood simply boil.

"As for your new bird (my missus) I'll slit her throat".

So that was that, what was a very good and easy going night saw it explode into a livid man, turning on a woman with the full force of 19 stone descending upon a bint of a Trollope, don't get me wrong I was absolutely fuming, but never in my life have I laid my hands on a women. When speaking to my missus best mate, I was apparently holding off up to eight people all on my own.

I ended up having one hell of a slanging match with the bitch before I felt hands upon from behind.

As the door staff and the pub landlady finally got passed me, I heard the landlady say get that woman out and me as well.

I was shocked, my missus was shocked and I think even the head doorman was surprised.

The funny thing is, none of the door staff asked me to leave but to let things calm down, we all left and went home.

Saturday morning I text the head door man was told that the land lady had barred me.

I'm almost 43 and I've been banned from my first ever pub ... *Unfucking believable* ... banned from the pub for protecting my own missus.

Later in the day, I was chatting with my missus and she was trying to decide whether or not to quit, we spoke for a good long time and no matter what her decision was I would stick by her because I know know she loves working in the pub trade, however because of the treatment I was handed out, my missus decided to quit.

A Bloody Good Christmas

2009-12-29T05:25:00.002Z

Firstly may I wish my readers a very Happy although belated Christmas.

This year has been full of surprises for me but the most surprising thing about this Christmas is the fact that I'm still in a very happy relationship, (I never seem to reach Christmas since I split with the ex wife).

I know it upsets a couple of my colleagues at work to see me so happy, as me and the missus have a very childish nature about the way we behave (ie; hijacking each others twitter and writing silly status's), but the fact is I am very happy and if you don't like it, well stop following me ... simple.

This Christmas has been hectic but not in the way you might expect, I had some leave in December and for the whole week me, my partner and our three kids all moved to a bigger house, yes that's right, with 10 days to go before Christmas, we were tearing about, moving stuff from one house to a new improved house, and the three most noticeable improvements so far have to be:

1) The girls now have their own rooms, so hopefully they will stop bitching at each other. Boys never do that as we are far to civilised.
2) I can actually lay down in the bath and I'm still mostly underwater, not like my old bath, because if I lay down my legs were almost straight up and about two feet (no pun intended) up the wall.
3) We have a massive shower, with a huge head on it big enough to get me wet. Being 6ft 2, 18 odd stone and somewhere between a 48 and 50 inch chest and broad across the shoulders, really helps.

The only downfall about this Christmas was, the three kids who live with us were separated for their first Christmas together.

I had a very chilled out and relaxed time with my missus and our eldest. I even got to go out on the beer on Christmas Eve (roll on New Years Eve) for the first time since 1994.

The two youngest kids spent Christmas in Southend with my ex wife. I get to pick them up from my mums straight after work today.

Also this year I didn't have to struggle to much with the cooker, only half the cooking element in the oven is working properly, so dinner took a bit longer then normal and seeing as we had roast lamb it wasn't to bad a situation.

Last Christmas saw me cooking with an over that broke on 1,000,000 degrees and smoked the whole house out.

So hopefully Christmas 2010 will see all of us spending the Christmas together and that includes my other half's other two kids who live with their dad.

So two adults and six kids or should that six adults and two BIG kids all under one roof is going to be mayhem.

It looks like next Christmas will be totally hectic but also a lot of fun.

Night Night Tilly

2009-12-03T21:49:00.003Z

It was a very sad night in our house last night, unfortunately we had to have one of our cats put to sleep.

This is Tilly, she was only 2 and a half years old, she was brain damaged from birth but a lovelier cat you couldn't have asked for.

Sleep well little lady, you will be missed.

The Bells, The Bells

2009-11-16T04:11:00.002Z

Once more I am on a week of nights, and for once they have been a fairly peaceful set which has seen me chatting to my colleague next door and generally relaxing.

Tonight however that all changed, around 1am the fire alarm mechanics descended upon my station to carry out routine maintenance, this means they walk around the station setting off the call points and testing the smoke detector heads, this is normally carried out in silence as everything is isolated, however due to an unknown and unregistered fault of the system, every time that tested anything it over rode the isolation's and set the station alarms off.

So all night long my arse has been flying out of the seat to find out the problem, only to remember that the engineers are already on site and testing out the equipment.

They finally isolated the problem device, which turned out to be a piece of equipment that was installed two weeks ago.

As the mechanics signed off for the night, they cheerfully informed me that they would be back tonight to finish off the testing

Great...

A Lot Going On

2009-11-15T05:10:00.003Z

Sorry for the lack of updates, but since my missus and our (sorry to my step daughter as I meant our and not just my) kids moved in with me life has been very hectic.

Things are going well with me and the missus, but my 14 year old daughter has just hit that confusion barrier.

She's was not sure if she wanted to live with me or with mum, the confusion all started just before half term. My son and daughter went to stay at their mums for the first time since July when they moved in with me.

I know my daughter misses her mum very much, but she misses her little sister, her best friend and her old school mates more. It's been hard going as sometimes I feel like I have to watch what I say as I don't want want to push her into a decision.

A couple of weeks ago I let my ex-wife know what was occurring (trying to keep things on a civil footing) and she said the same as me, will both be happy no matter where she chooses.

It all came to a head this week when I had a blazing row with her as she had a face like a smacked arse and was sulking like a bitch and taking it out on everyone, she fled upstairs to her room, I asked my step daughter to see if she was OK and when she came downstairs she told me she was texting someone and she thinks it might be her mum.

In my head I had decided that she was tell her mum that she wanted to go back to her as things weren't as green in our house as her mums.

I text my ex to give her the heads up on the situation and found out my daughter wasn't texting her but someone else.

around 20 minutes later, my daughter came back downstairs a completely different young lady, happy and smiling and everything, me and the missus looked at each other and both mouthed "What the fuck???"

Next day I had a call off my ex-wife saying that my daughter had been texting her best mate, and that it was unfair of me to build up my ex's hopes (fair do's on her part). I called my ex the next day as I'm currently on nights to talk about what was happening with our daughter and was told by my ex that she had had a call from my daughters best friends mother and that my daughter has decided to stay with us and not go back to mums and that she had had a text off her as well saying the same.

It was just a shame my daughter never thought to tell her old dad and stop weeks of worry.

So after all the confusion and consternation for me and my missus, it looks like my daughter is happily staying with us.

Oh and on a side note, my daughter is currently grounded for something I asked her to do before I went to bed.

One Of Those Days

2009-10-14T16:56:00.002+01:00

I arrived at work, and as I sorted myself out ready for my shift a headache started brewing over my left temple, I know one of the reasons is because I've had a tooth ache for the passed six days and because my kids have now moved in with, I've been getting in from work around 12:30 every night and getting up again at 7:30 to get the kids sorted for school.

So between a thundering headache and tiredness, I'm just a little bit out of sorts.

About 3:30 I headed towards my gate line for about 30 minutes, as I have to cover the gate line (of my own good will) so that the gate line staff can go home, and as I'm standing there a dark cloud of "I just don't give two shits" descends on to my weary shoulders, so today I was not in my most professional mode ... actually I was far from it.

As I'm stood there, a group of 25 plus school kids and there teachers wander into the station and as all brats (sorry school kids) will do, the volume rises and my head starts banging more.

"Can you let us through" asks a teacher
"Sure"

I try to open the gate outwards and because of the crush of kids against it, it's not going to move.

"Excuse me"
"Excuse me"
"Excuse me"

"MOVE"

This prompts a scattering of kids and teachers to get out of the way of a rather hastily moving opening heavy gate.

After the kids and teachers have sodded off, my next problem arises, a group of old ladies now wanders into the station as I'm once more stood waiting to help people.

A woman comes up to me and asks.

"How do you get to Kings Cross?"
"Down stairs, acroos the bridge, platform number 2, any train".

A minute later and another woman asked me exactly the same question, followed about a minute later by a thrid woman asking the same question.

Once I'd given this information to the three seperate women, I noticed all three of them join up with the large group of women and carry on with there journey.

Finally and probably the one I feel a little guilt about is the third situation.

A mother arrives at the station and asked me if she and her kids can be let out via the maunal gate, so as I start to unlock he gate, unseen by me her eldest son, moves towards the gate and as I stretch my arm and hand towards the top of the gate to push it open, my semi clenched fist punches the poor kid straight on his nose.

The kid staggered and reeled a bit, but luckily I hadn't punched him to hard to deck the poor little sod.

All this fun in just 30 minutes worth of work.

Helping The Female Public!!!!

2009-10-02T01:15:00.003+01:00

I'm currently on nights so we see all sorts of people, however tonight a female customer has totally fucked me off.

I was waiting to see out my last trains when a female customer caught my attention through the window that looks out onto the platform, it's not exactly a small window and any one can see into the office (the reason for the description of the window is so you can see where this post is coming from).

She waved at me that she needed help and as any member of staff on my job, I went to help.

She wanted to travel to Ealing Broadway and asked me if I could help her get there, I rang another station to see what time the last District train left and found out she had just missed it.

So she asked me about the trains from Paddington to Ealing Broadway.

As I made my way back into the office, I told her to come in and I would look on the National Rail web site, as I took my seat by the PC and logged onto the site, I noticed the woman was still standing in the door way, partially in and out of the office door, I told her to come in and she replied very tersely "No it's OK, I'll stand here thank you very much."

I looked at her again and from the expression on her face, you would think I was only asking her into my office so I could rape her and not to give her the information she asked for.

Feeling Joy, Stress And Helplessness

2009-09-30T05:55:00.006+01:00

A couple of things happened over the weekend, one of joy but two of stress.

Firstly my moment of joy, I surprised my partner on Friday morning, she had finished work and as I was still awake, I popped into town to collect her from work.

We arrived back home and after a coffee and a chat, we went to bed and as she went to do her ablutions before bed I popped into our bedroom and when Lynn walked into the bedroom she found this on our bed
Lynn also found me on one knee and with the simple words of "Lynn will you do me the honour of becoming my wife" she beamed down at me and said

"Yes"

However on Thursday, my 10 year old son asked if he could go around to a new friend from school's house, when I said yes, off he went with the instructions to be back by 6pm

My son promptly vanished off to a friends, and like a prat I forgot to get his friends address, I knew the house was in the next street but I clean forgot to get the door number.

Come 6pm and you guessed it, my son duly never arrived home, I called him on his mobile which after a few rings went to the answerphone, I must have rang him about 15 times and still no answer.

Now my mind was racing and my heart beat was increasing, I jumped in the car just in case he had headed off to the big park around the corner, but after a quick scout I still hadn't found the little sod.

7pm duly arrived and so did my son, and after I tore a few stripes of him (verbally only) he scarpered inside to basically sit on the sofa in quiet contemplation to why he had been grounded for the whole weekend and lost out to no use of the PC's or the PS3, PS2 and his PSP.

But worse was yet to come.

Tuesday morning and the house phone rings, it's my sons school and he has got himself into a spot of bother.

Whilst in the playground, he was playing with his mobile phone when he had it confiscated by a teacher, as he is only 10 and needs to ask permission from me and to have a contract with the schools head teacher to bring the phone with him to school.

That's right, you guessed it, he had neither.

When asked by the teacher why was he playing music, quick as a shot my son said that it had dropped on the floor and had started playing music, brilliant excuse but a total lie as one of the other kids in the playground promptly told the teacher what really happened (bloody snitch).

After the teacher had gone away, my son rounded on the other boy and belted him, needless to say the other boy belted him back, once more the teacher was involved and spoke to both the boys and sorted it from there on in.

When my son arrived home, I took him upstairs to have a quiet word and bout all that had happened and here's where things started to go really bad.

As I was asking him about hitting the other boy, and when he confirmed that he had actually hit the boy, I asked him how would he feel if I punch him instead, and I also pointed out that my hand is a hell of a lot bigger then his. A nasty way to deal with it, but to be honest, apart from the occasional cuff round the head to give him a shock, I wouldn't ever punch or hit one of my kids.

Like any parent they drive me to distraction, but hitting and punch are just one extreme I wont go to when it comes to punishing my kids.

After I dealt with my son, he went to his room to tidy up his room, just like I asked him to do, next thing I know my step daughter is calling downstairs that my son has the belt around his neck and is trying to strangle himself with it.

You can imagine mine and Lynn's alarm to this, so straight away we called my son downstairs to talk about what was going on and why he was trying to hurt himself.

Whenever my son has got into trouble, he has mopped around the house as any kid will do, but this is the first time I've known him to loose the plot and try anything like this before, also if he gets in trouble, he doesn't cry but has that exaggerated sad face kids do.

After we spoke to him, he went back upstairs when Lynn said to me, she thinks there's something else going on that's caused this.

We called my son down again, and this time I gave him a hug and Lynn held my arm and told me to brace my self.

Lyn asked my son a question I hadn't even thought of.

"When you lived with your mum, how often were you slapped by her husband"?

My son looked at us and said whenever he was naughty.

"How often was that, one a week, twice or more"

"Sometimes once but more often then not more"

I went rigid, Lynn gripped my arm and we just sat and talked quietly with my son.

We both told my son that no matter what I threatened, there would be no way that I would hit him.

After a further 15 minutes of so, my son gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me he loved me.

Attempted Burglary.

2009-09-06T17:29:00.003+01:00

I travelled home on Thursday night and popped briefly into the pub where my other half is working to say hi, then I jumped back in the car and arrived at my front door around 23:45. I put the key into the lock and twisted the key, as I stepped into the front room, I heard the squeak of the door handle on my back door as it was slowly raised to the normal position.

First of all I thought it was my 14 year old daughter sneaking out the back door and going to our neighbours, but then realised the figure at the back door was a man.

I had just disturbed an attempted break in.

I raced across the room and I think the sight of a 6ft 2 inch, 19 stone big bald man hurtling towards him probably scared the shit out of him, because when I reached the door all I could see was my back gate wobbling as the man had fled through it on his way to escape over the back gardens.

I came back to the house and shouted up stairs for my daughters, to make sure they are ok and luckily they were all safe and sound and hadn't even heard anything, it was also to check that it wasn't one of their friends trying to sneak out before getting caught.

I found out the following morning that my 14 year old had actually been downstairs about five minutes before I'd arrived home.

I called the police and they were at my house within 10 minutes, they checked the area but found nothing. I made sure the house was securely locked up again as the back door had been left unlocked by the kids during the day and they had forgotten to lock it before going to bed

Sick Again

2009-08-27T01:19:00.003+01:00

I'm currently off sick with a problem with my hips, thigh and knee.

For the past couple of weeks my right hip, thigh and calf have been in a serious amount of pain, if I stand for more then 10 minutes I end up bening over with my hands on my knee or with my hands or elbows pushing off a hard surface to take the weight off my hip, firstly I thought it was just an on and off problem with my Sciatic nerve, but as the weeks passed by, the pain gradually grew so that I ended up stopping frequently and moving my leg and hips around like Elvis on a porn fest.

Last week as I was about to get out of bed for work my daughter (in her infinite wisdom) was messing about and thundered a foot straight into my left hip, so whallop my right hip and thigh jarred and my left side promptly went into spasm.

That was all I needed.

I rang work and blew my shift of nights out until I could get to see my local GP.

Last Thursday I saw my GP and and after a lot of manipulation and cracks and groans, he told me it was my Sciatic nerve (no shit Sherlock) but he was a bit worried as I might have a problem with a worn hip, so I was told to contact my local hospital to arrange Physiotherapy as a self referral, I was also given Naproxen to help ease my pain and relax my muscles around my hip and knee joints.

Monday saw me hobble into the hospital for my first Physio appointment and after 30 minutes of minipulation and a lot of bending, prodding, pushing, pulling and pressing the Physio thinks the problem with my knee is displaced pain and there doesn't seem to be a problem with my hip, but rather above my hip and more towards one side of my back.

I've been given exercises which see me laying on the floor doing knee raises to chest, lower body twists from side to side, pelvic thrusts and simple side bends to my left hand side. Next time I'm having Physio, I might be going for a scan too, just to find out what is going on with my back because I suffer from Spina Bifida Occulta as well.

So hopefully someday soon I will be pain free and back to full working order, much to the relief of my missus ;)

Fathership Blues

2009-08-25T23:31:00.002+01:00

Well things have been going really well at home, my kids are very happy that they are living with there old dad and my relationship is going from strength to strength, the only thing bringing me down is how my ex-wife is behaving.

Things have become very tense over the past month and what with one thing and another, my kids and me are taking all the blame whilst she seems to think she is exempt from any blame what so ever, it's like everything is my decision and I've manipulated the kids and her.

Yesterday my daughter ended up hugging my other half for dear life as my ex-wife basically rejected my kids by telling her she wasn't going to be used by her and it even got to the point of telling my daughter that she was going to delete and block her from Facebook, the stupity of the situation got even worse when she rang me, not once but twice and even told me "OK you win, I'll stay out of the childrens life for good".

I ended up sending her a text as she wouldn't answer the phone to me basically telling her to grow the fuck up and stop acting like a spoilt child who has spat her dummy out.

Why is it some ex's can't get along together with there ex's. My partner still chats to her ex husband and they have a good relationship and it's all because of the kids, yet my ex still tries and uses the kids against me.

They live with me and my partner and are very happy, my son hasn't even wanted to go see his mum but wants to stay with us all the time, my ex thinks the kids like her husband but my kids have told me they hate him.

So I'm wondering why are we in the wrong and she isn't.

It takes two to make kids and it takes two ex's to fuck things up, it's all about who takes the responsibilty and who hides behind the truth.

She's At It Again

2009-08-10T07:15:00.004+01:00

Talk about a selfish woman.

I know I have slagged off my ex-wife, but last night she plunged to new depths in her attempt to win "Mother Of The Year Award".

Our kids were supposed to be staying with their dearly beloved mother from this Friday until the following Wednesday, but because of a roster cock up on my part I had to contact her to ask if she was willing to have the kids until the following Wednesday as I am on nights and wouldn't be able to collect them from her in London next Wednesday.

I was stunned by her reply of "I'll let you know as I have to ask my family".

Her family, we have two kids together and she hasn't seen our son and daughter since July 20th, she also has another two daughters, one from her current husband and she needs to ask "Her Family".

Fuck me I was livid, I spoke to my other half and she was stunned, as a mother of three kids herself, she is fighting like mad to have proper access and a proper relationship with two of her children who live with their dad, don't get me wrong, my other half and her ex are on talking terms and things are progressing at a steady pace so hopefully some day soon, we will have two more kids staying on a regular basis plus you know how much trouble I've had in the past trying to get proper access to my own kids.

But for a so called mother to blatantly say "Ask MY Family" it makes me wonder what sort of cunt I was married to.

Shortly after that the texts started to arrive which basically blamed me for the problem in the first place and the fact that it was inconvenient as she has to study to become a nurse (fuck me I feel sorry for anyone she looks after).

That was the general gist of five or six texts that came my way.

It wasn't convenient for her when I used to have them every six weeks but she had to fit it into her time and now it's not convenient for her as she is studying and I have to accomodate her life.

She even admitted that I could give the kids far more attention then she ever could as she was studying so hard.

I take it you can see the way this is going, study first, kids second.

Fuck me, but I was once married to a selfish bitch who only thinks of herself and I thank the lucky stars that I'm now divorced from the bitch.

No wonder my kids wanted to come live with their old dad.

It Does Makes You Wonder

2009-08-09T10:29:00.004+01:00

Well my kids have now moved in and everything is going very well.

There have been a couple of gripes from my other half but it's mainly teething problems and everyone getting used to each other.

When I was chatting with my daughter the other day, I asked her whether she had spoken to her mother since she moved in with me on the 20th July.
My daughter told me that she has spoken to her on the phone only once and speaks to her online via facebook or she texts her mum as well.

It reminded me that when my daughter first moved in, she told me that her mum had text a friend and asked her friend what sort of mother was she and why would the kids want to come live with me.

I think the answer might now be obvious, I rang my kids at least three times a week, every week, when they first moved to Southend with their mum I was on the phone that night to make sure they were settled, my kids could contact me day or night with no problems (except possibly when I was working nights).

My ex-wife only thinks of two things, herself and money, that was always her priority through out our relationship and it seems to be exactly the same with her and her husbands too.

I know I'm not the perfect father, far from it, but I've always tried to put my kids first at foremost, so if my ex-wife maybe my kids would miss her more instead of just missing their friends.

Not Impressed

2009-07-25T12:03:00.002+01:00

For regular readers of my blog, you will know what I'm like when it comes to my kids and how I treat them, you will also know how I feel about how my ex-wife and her husband have dealt with my kids.

Well both of my own kids moved in with me and my partner last Tuesday and my eldest step daughter has stayed at her mums. So all of there stuff has been unpacked and stowed away, they are happy and having fun with me, my other half and there new step sister, no arguments, no nothing.

My partner is adjusting well (although biting of tongues has been done by both of us) to having two hyper and loony kids (much like there dad) now living with her, just as I've had to adjust to a semi-emo/goth child move in with me.

Yesterday, we all took my step daughter to her dad's in Leeds, when we arrived around 5:30 and walked into a house full of kids my step daughter looked crest fallen.

She hasn't seen her dad since May, so we stayed to have a coffee to make sure she settled in, but as we were leaving my new step daughter told her mum she didn't want to stay with her dad. If I had heard that I would have brought her home with us there and then.

So 30 odd minutes later we left to drive the 145 miles home.

As we neared home my partner received a text from her daughter and after not seeing his daughter in over three months, her so called father and his partner had gone to bed and left nine, yes that's right nine kids to fend for themselves.

The nine kids consist of my step daughter, her step sister and brother from her father and her father's partners two girls and four boys.

The excuse for going to bed, his partner has a head ache.

Around 12:30 this morning, my partner received another text from her daughter and this time even more stressing for my other half, her daughter is stuck sharing a bed with her dads partners eldest and largest girl, when I say large I would say she is at least a size 20, so a tight squeeze on a single bed for her let alone sharing with my step daughter.

The sleeping arrangements for the two week my step daughter will be there are, four girls in a set of bunk bed and five boys in the other room.

My partners stress levels have gone through the roof and she is just biting her nails with anxiety and because she's stressed, so am I.

My missus rang her mum last night and has arranged for her to collect her daughter on Monday so she can spend a few days with her as well, so unfortunately my step daughter has to put up with her dad for the next three days.

A Birthday Present To Myself

2009-07-17T10:25:00.005+01:00

Wednesday duly arrived, and for the first time in a good couple of years, I was actually looking forward to my birthday.

I woke up nice and early, just like a little school kid because today was all about ME, and all because i had bought myself a new toy for my birthday, that new toy cost me just over £2000 but it was well worth it, and because my family is now extending from one to five, I definately need it.

Because until recently I've been driving around in one of these, a small 1.1 rover 211And for someone who is 6ft 2" it can sometimes be a bit of a squeeze, especially on long journeys.

However, as of Wednesday, I took charge of my third Ford Galaxy.

It's a 10 years old motor but with only 63,000 miles on the clock and a very good condition, I think it's worth every penny. So from small to large in one foul swoop ... Nice

Oh For Fuck Sake

2009-07-12T12:55:00.002+01:00

I jumped into my car and after checking the road was safe, I spun a quick U-turn and headed up the road to the first junction, as I indicated left and was about to turn, this stupid old fucker turned right, straight into the path of my car.

I slammed on the breaks and shot this old fucker a look to kill which was met with a gaze of a totally blank expression.

The old fart continued down the road not even realising he had almost caused a serious accident in the middle of the road, I followed the old goat down the road and when he stopped at the roundabout I pulled up beside him and shouted at the old fart.

"FUCKING WANKER"

I'm not proud of myself for abuse the old fart but I was just frustrated by his bad driving.

Facebook Upsets

2009-07-10T01:19:00.002+01:00

Whoops, it seems that over the past few weeks I've upset a few people on my Facebook profile, even my own niece has deleted me and all because of a Facebook quiz asking what sort of lesbian am I and according to the quiz I'm a 100% rug muncher

I love sleeping with woman, so I make a very good lesbian thank you very much.

But the best has only just happened, I became fed up with all the Michael Jackson sycophants with thier false sympathy and once again I spoke my mind, not in a nice way but straight to the point sort of way.

All these people going on about how much of a genius he was and how much he will be missed, well he wont be missed in my household because as far as I'm concerned he was an unconvicted Paedophile, who paid off the families instead of standing trial and clearing his name properly.

Also I asked would Gary Glitter be treated the same way when he finally kicks the bucket. Harsh I know, but anyone who knows me will know I only give sympathy where sympathy is truly due.

So because I wasn't willing to follow the sheep but go my own way, eight of my so called friends have deleted me, so goodbye and good riddance.

Now I'm Worried

2009-07-09T09:25:00.002+01:00

Just when I think I have nothing to write about along comes a bolt from the blue.

I had just gotten out of my car and was about to enter my house when my mobile phone starts to ring, I looked at the number and it's my ex-wife.

My brain starts ticking over and I'm thinking "Oh shit do I answer this!!!"

I thought be be strong and be brave.

I answered the phone to a pleasant sounding woman, I'm now thinking somethings wrong she's not normally like this.

We spoke for at least 20 minutes with no raised voices and no angry words and for the second time in a week and for the first time in a good few months I was actually speaking properly with my ex-wife.

As per usual it did involve money, but not in the way you will be thinking. Over the past weekend I had my children and whilst my ex was on the phone to my daughter, she asked to speak to me, my daughter has been invited to go to Butlins with a friend for a few days and she was wondering if I would pay for it, I thought bloody cheek, but when I said no, she said ok she will see about going halves with me.

So that was the start of today's call, she was making sure I would put the money in on my pay day and she would pay her friend the money to day for the holiday.

We also spoke about my kids moving in with me, because from the 20th of this month my son and heir will be moving in with his lovely old, my partner and my new step daughter, then from the 3rd of August my daughter will also move in with us.

So in the space of almost four months, I've gone from a man living alone to a man with a live in partner and three kids, and that's not including my eldest girl or my partners two other kids.

I think I might be in the market to buy a new car soon, people carrier anyone.

It's Been A Struggle

2009-07-09T06:13:00.003+01:00

I seem to have a hit a bit of a plateau at the moment as I've lost the incentive and energy I used to have when I first started blogging.

I seem to be stuck in a rut and don't know where to restart, so give me a little while and I hope to be back with to my usual cantankerous and belligerent style of writing

07/07/05

2009-07-07T08:30:00.000+01:00

Four years on and our thoughts are still with the 52 victims of the 7th July 2005 bombings.

KINGS CROSS

James Adams
Samantha Badham
Philip Beer
Anna Brandt
Ciaran Cassidy
Rachelle ChungFor Yuen
Elizabeth Daplyn
Arthur Frederick
Karolina Gluck
Gamze Gunoral
Lee Harris
Ojara Ikeagwu
Emily Jenkins
Adrian Johnson

Helen Jones
Susan Levy
Shelley Mather
Michael Matsushita
James Mayes
Behnaz Mozakka
Mihaela Otto

Atique Sharifi
Ihab Slimane
Christian Small
Monika Suchocka
Mala Trivedi

TAVISTOCK SQUARE

AnthonyFatayi-Williams
Jamie Gordon
Giles Hart
Marie Hartley
Miriam Hyman
Shahara Islam
Neetu Jain

Sam Ly
Shyanuja Parathasangary
Anat Rosenberg
Philip Russell
William Wise
Gladys Wundowa

ALDGATE

Lee Baisden
Benedetta Ciaccia
Richard Ellery
Richard Gray
Anne Moffat
Fiona Stevenson
Carrie Taylor

EDGWARE ROAD

Michael Brewster
Jonathan Downey
David Foulkes
Colin Morley
Jennifer Nicholson
Laura Webb

Fuck You Night Man

2009-06-20T08:27:00.002+01:00

As I walked in through the office door at 07:42 I came face to face with a Duty Station Manager.

"What time do you officially start?"
"7:30"
"So why are you late"
"I'm late because of my train service"
"What time is your first train to London"
"Around 5am and gets me in to London just after six"
"And the next train"
"06:32 and arrives in London at 7:34"
"That's not the information I have".

I pull up the National Rail website and bring up next Saturdays train times from Wellingborough to London St Pancras and show the DSM the timetable.
The DSM calls the National Rail help line to confirm that todays train times are the same as next weeks

They are.

"So why didn't you get the first train to work and arrive early"
"Because I'm not getting in over an hour early for work"
"So you came in late instead"
"Yes I did, but I sent my night turn colleague and email yesterday explaining I would be in about 10 or 15 minutes late"
"Can I see the email"

Email shown at proof with yesterdays date and time clearly visible.

"If the night turn wasn't happy with me coming in late, why didn't he text me"
"Does he have your number"
"Yes he does"
"Ok he could have got in touch with you"
"Yes as I never go to bed early, and was still awake at 2am this morning" (as proved via twitter and facebook).
"Well at least he knew you were going to be late"
"Yes"
"Ok well I suggest you have a word with him"
"Don't worry gov, I will"
"Try not to be late in future and thanks for coming in"
"Your welcome"

A nice little result for me, but not for my colleague as I will be having words when I next see him.

Whoa ... It's All Gone Dark

2009-06-18T00:25:00.002+01:00

Normally this week of of my roster is the piss easy week, however I arrived at work at 10:55 and spoke to my early turn colleague, he had dealt with a customer for an hour on the platform who was allegedly ill and it turned out to be period pains.

I took over the station at 11:00 and off my colleague went to have his unpaid meal break.

11:02 FUCK I'VE GONE BLIND ... oops no I haven't, the power on the whole of the station has blown and I'm plunged into semi-darkness.

Over the radio my gate line staff calls, what's happened and what are we going to do.

I leave the office and start to walk towards the gate line as I'm about to evacuate the station but hey presto, there's a flicker of the fluorescent tubes and *BING* the lighting floods back on and we can all see again. Hooray I can see ... damn I can't close the station.

Bugger...

I carried out a thorough station check and as far as safety equipment and everything else that's important, alls working normally.

The only small problem I had to report was a dead AFM and an off line gate.

However I wasn't the only station affected as the other two stations on my gruop also had the fluctuation, it also knocked the lifts out at Goodge St station.

So all in all an interest first 15 minutes to the working day.

One Of Those Weekends

2009-06-01T05:49:00.006+01:00

My week started off fairly quietly and things at first were a bit out of sorts, my other half moved in a couple of weeks back and this is the first set of nights that she has had to cope with, so things at first were a bit strained as she isn't used to my work pattern yet.

So as I was saying, things progressed quietly for the the first couple of days, the usual routine settled in and it was just dealing with customers, contractors and staff, so no change there.

Then we reached Thursday night and everything changed, I saw some sights that are not usually seen on my week of nights.

Thursday night: Around 00:25 I noticed a bit of a to do occurring in the ticket hall area with what I thought was a drunken couple, I watched via the CCTV as the man picked up the woman and started to slowly struggle down the stairs towards the platforms, when I arrived at the couple I found that this wasn't the case as it was only the woman who was completely bladdered.

As the man put the woman down on her feet she stumbled over and next thing I know, I have a nice pair of mammaries which are 42DD freely available to ogle, and if you're wondering how I know the breast size, it's because everything was clearly on display.

The man picked the woman up once more, but this time he threw her over his shoulder, and off he went with her bobbing and swaying around like a drunken rag doll.

I followed them to platform 2 and once more he put her down, however this time she crumpled into a heap by the stairs and promptly vomited on herself and the platform, so once more the man dragged her off the floor and took her to a seat, next thing she jumps up screaming and tries (and I use the word loosely) to lean against a wall and missed.

Wallop, she hits the floor with a thud, turns over laughing outrageously and shows off her breasts and this time it's a full view of gusset ... don't you love drunken Thursdays.

Friday night finds me on Platform 1 seeing off the last Uxbridge train, alls quiet until the doors of the train open, directly in front of me are a couple sitting opposite each other, him awake and her asleep, next thing I see is her eyes fly open and a volumous amount of sputum hurling out of her mouth straight onto her boyfriends chest and lap ... my thoughts as the train pulled out of my station ... it's a long way to Uxbridge.

Saturday night was fairly peaceful more I'm seeing off the last trains when I spot a woman sitting on the train messing about with a plastic bag and trying to tie a knot in it, as she lifts the bag further up a she it's a bag full of live fish.

Sunday once more brought a nice and quiet night, no problems all night until 4:20 when the office phone rang, a nice dead night was about to be disturbed and thrown into a tad of confusion.

The British Transport Police were on the phone, they had a report from the Metropolitan police saying a bus had hit the railings outside my station

Oh Shit...I popped upstairs to investigate (be nosy more like) and saw an N18 bus surrounded by five police cars, 2 ambulances and seven fire engines, according to one of my tenants who witnessed the accident, the bus just drove into the railings, luckily no other cars were involved and more importantly and thankfully nobody was hurt.All I'm wondering now is what will tonight bring...

Life Is Hard

2009-05-27T03:07:00.004+01:00

It's not everyday that something happens that makes you sit back and re-evaluate your life, however over the weekend I heard some news that made me sit up and listen.

Saturday night, I was sat in my back garden having the first of what promises to be many barbecues, I was laughing and joking with my other half and three of our combined six kids, drinks were flowing and the kids were being there usual entertaining selfs, laughing and giggling and generally having fun.

I went to bed about 4am and was woken around 9am by the incessant sounding of my door bell, I wandered down stairs thinking if it's those fecking Jehovah Witlessess again, they were in for a mouthful.

I opened the front door to be greeted by one of my neighbours who lives three doors away. I asked what was up and she told me that my next door neighbour had died during the night and she thought she would give me the heads up so that I knew what was going on.

To say I was shocked was a bit of an understatement as I get on fairly well with the family next door and always have a laugh and a giggle with the wife. However the husband, Bob had been ill for a while and had just lost the will to live.

The one thing that made me rethink things, is that he has left a 4 year old daughter behind, and yesterday the little girl was in the back garden and she told me that her daddy has gone to be with the angels.

Later during the night, I was chatting with my other half outside the front of the house when I heard crying coming from next door and quiet clearly heard the little girl say to he mum "I want my daddy back"

These words hit me hard, as I lost my own dad when I was 25 and I know how hard it was on me, I was left thinking how was this little girl going to cope with the grief at the age of four, I know kids are resilient, but somehow it seems so unfair for such a bubbly little girl to be going through so much turmoil.

I know death comes to us all, no matter who we are, but I wouldn't want my own kids to go through that, especially at that age.